NEGLECT/MISUSE RAGE

"NONE OF THE ITEMS IN THIS LOT ARE NI WORKING CONDITION!"

controller-s-broken

We got through quite a few game controllers during our formative, more aggressive years, when every failure to complete a “level” was accompanied by a frustrated whimper, sometimes even a self-inflicted dead leg, and the controller, or the “stick of joy” as they used to be known, flying through the air from the frustration of having some 8-bit brain defeating us time and time again.

But we knew the value of things. The controller would fly through the air towards the sofa or the pillow. That’s the difference. Kids today know they can have another one tomorrow and won’t be told they have to wait until Christmas. So they can throw them at the brick work. Nasty little shits.

But 26?

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UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"It hasn't been dropped or stood on. I just went to turn it on one morning and it was like this"

broken-kindle

Tooth fairy dropped her sack on it? Are you SURE you didn’t get up for a wee in the night?

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NEGLECT/MISUSE

"Would suit student accommodation"

student-sofa

…or any location where people tend to sleep on sofas, slowly choking on their own vomit (right).

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HUMAN ERROR NEGLECT/MISUSE UNKNOWN INCIDENT WORKED UNTIL BROKE

"Tinkering fan might be able to sort socket out."

“TAPE PLAYER IS DEAD
RADIO WORKS ONLY
AUDIO SOCKET IS SENSITIVE TO MOVEMENT”

So, unable to play cassettes and you can’t move about while you’re listening to it.
Not really much of a Walkman, is it?

“Worked fine until recently.”

One of these days we’ll find an auction that ticks ALL the category boxes.
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DISTURBING NEGLECT/MISUSE

"Once his head is fixed he will measure approx 20 inches in height"

decap-teddy

Who wants to join my teddy torture revenge vigilante group, in which we seek out the now-42-years-old perpetrators of these crimes and give them the same severity of beatings they gave the likes of poor old Mr Fluff here?

And has “Teddy Bears That Look Like Hitler” been done yet? I can’t check myself as Googling the word “Hitler” would be in violation of my parole terms.

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SIGNIFICANT DISCOUNT TO ORIGINAL RRP

"I believe they are still in working order or I would have thrown them away"

outdoor-spread

He really loved them, really, really loved them, hence the respectful, artistic arrangement even as he’s waving them goodbye.

That thing on the right looks like it’d be worth a drive to Stourport-On-Severn to see, if only to remember the days when dials and knobs used to have a bit of weight to their movements.

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NEGLECT/MISUSE

"Elf AM radio"

joblot-electrics

Even in the pages of the 1986 Argos catalogue, this little spread of gadgetry wouldn’t have got too many people excited. Two hours left and no bids. 26 views, but one of them was me and deeply ironic so doesn’t count.

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HUMAN ERROR PROBABLY FIXABLE

"WOULD MAKE A NICE WALL ORNIMENT"

accordion-wall-covering

(a) No it wouldn’t, it’s an accordion. It’s a significantly three-dimensional object, so it’d be like sticking a cardboard box to your wall. The space beneath would be rendered void, plus you’d need good rawlplugs or to get lucky and find a bit of timber due to the weight.

(b) ORNAMENT. You managed to get accordion right but messed up ornament? Some people have the oddest brains.

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PROBABLY FIXABLE

"COMPLETE APART FROM HARD DRIVE & MEMORY. NO CHARGER."

dell-latitude-d505-brokeneded

So that’s no hard drive, no memory and no charger. Complete apart from the missing things torn out to protect the photograph collection of the original owner.

“1 KEY MISSING ON KEYBOARD”

And no “J” on the keyboard, although that’s hardly a big deal. Would suit person not called John.

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SIGNIFICANT DISCOUNT TO ORIGINAL RRP

"Rumoured to have cost £800"

orthopedic-chair-of-pure-gold

Not a receipt. Not even a link to a similar product in a contemporary catalogue. But a rumour. The seller heard it might have been an expensive one, back before it had Susan from Accounts plonking her whopping great arse on it every day for 17 years and doing in the fabric and levers.

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