Category Archives: NEGLECT/MISUSE

DISTURBING NEGLECT/MISUSE UNKNOWN INCIDENT

“FREDDIE the LAUGHING BEAR”

May 6, 2012 – 10:00 am

laughing-teddy-bear

Sorry, Freddie, you’re going on the fire in the garden lest you infect the others. Last time we had a mohair mange outbreak this severe, we lost eight bears, two pandas and a hippo.

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NEGLECT/MISUSE PROBABLY FIXABLE

“Tandem Bike For Restoration Project”

May 5, 2012 – 3:47 pm

tandem-restoration

Where lies the dividing line between “restoration” and simply building an entire thing yourself by sourcing and assembling the entirety of its components?

Could you legitimately “restore” the Titanic after buying a small bit of recovered bannister from James Cameron then building it up from there?

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DISTURBING NEGLECT/MISUSE

“I can feel some sort of sound box in the tummy but it doesn’t work”

May 5, 2012 – 9:00 am

teddy-stump

Oh, Bertie. Your paws, Bertie. Your beautiful little paws. What did THAT LITTLE SHIT do to you now?

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DISTURBING NEGLECT/MISUSE

“Mountain bikes and kids parts missing”

May 4, 2012 – 9:15 pm

BIKE-FRAMES

Have they rusted into one? Because if so, I’d need to hire a van, which would mean the economics of the purchase would change dramatically and THEREFORE I AM OUT.

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DISTURBING NEGLECT/MISUSE

“She has both of her toes missing & the FingerTips on her Right Hand are also Missing, her Knees do not Click or Hold a Bent Position”

May 4, 2012 – 9:45 am

jem-dolls

Yes, the search term used to find this one was “bent position.”

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NEGLECT/MISUSE PROBABLY FIXABLE SIGNIFICANT DISCOUNT TO ORIGINAL RRP

“One black standard one and a grey one with the loop and two metal extendable rods and has a booster dial”

May 3, 2012 – 9:00 pm

job-lot-electricals

This is what our lives will amount to. This is the debris we will leave behind. Our children will pillage it for spare power leads and fuses, then sell the rest for a pittance. We should keep the boxes, so they can sell it for a little more.

The lights on that stupid Philips TV box will outlast us all :(

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DISTURBING NEGLECT/MISUSE

“…also looks as if something has been in his left ear at some point”

May 3, 2012 – 1:00 pm

one-armed-teddy

That’s it. I’m starting a disabled teddy bear sanctuary for all these poor, neglected, padded waifs and strays. What kind of child would pull an arm off a teddy and put something in its ear? Or maybe it’s a cigarette burn from a disgruntled babysitter? But that’s worse. Oh god, that’s so much worse. It’s probably best never knowing the exact history of abuse.

It’s OK, Mr Teddles, you can still cuddle just as much with only one arm. Come to your new daddy. Would you like a pretend cup of tea?

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DISTURBING NEGLECT/MISUSE

“He was once a jointed teddy but has been repaired over the years making his arms and legs fixed in position”

May 3, 2012 – 9:45 am

face-off-teddy

Kindly auctioneer pretending not to have noticed teddy’s face, which would appear to have been gradually gnawed off by successive generations of children with the same dental features.

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DISTURBING NEGLECT/MISUSE PROBABLY FIXABLE

"ideal for restoration project/kids playroom/sewing room"

May 2, 2012 – 3:00 pm

caravan-slaughterhouse

If you put children in there, it won’t be long until the council put them somewhere else entirely and legally stop you from contacting them until they turn 18. And even then it’ll only be in 30-minute sessions once a month under the supervision of a court-appointed specialist.

“1980s retro model in attractive grey and white (faded)”

Also, will there ever be a time when anything from the 1980s is considered “retro” and in any way desirable?

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HUMAN ERROR NEGLECT/MISUSE WORKED UNTIL BROKE

"I TRIED. TO FIX"

May 1, 2012 – 3:45 pm

“HAS BROKEN CHARGING PORT AND BROKEN LCD SCREEN I TRIED. TO FIX THE CHARGING PORT AND THEN ACCIDENTLY BROKE THE LCD SCREEN IT WAS WORKING BEFORE I BROKE THE SCREEN.”

Just as well you stopped there then, really. I could see that spiralling out of control quite quickly.

“HAS GENERAL WEAR MARKS .”

Wear marks generally left by screwdrivers, chisels and lump-hammers, that is.

“PLEASE BARE IN MIND YOU ARE BIDDING ON A FAULTY PHONE SO THERE IS NO RETURN FOR THIS ITEM”

Please bear in mind that if you are bidding on a faulty phone there’s probably not much hope for you.

“Thank & happy bidding”

Oh, you found the caps lock now, have you?
Thank!

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