Category Archives: FIRE

FIRE PROBABLY FIXABLE UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"CHUBB STRONGH ROOM DOOR OUT OF BANK"

“CHUBB STRONGH ROOM DOOR TAKEN OUT OF A BANK”

Someone wasn’t concentrating when they did that bank job, were they? Who’d they have with them, Kevin McCloud?
“No Kevin! Take the bladdy gold!
No! Leave the door! I don’t care if it’s a classic example of pre-war craftsmanship, it’s not going to fit in the Minis!
Oh my giddy aunt. Right, if you can carry it, you can ‘ave it. That’s your cut though, yeah?”

“DOESNT COME WILL LOCK”

As that was drilled out by a certain Mr. ‘Jelly’ Knight in order to open it.

“PLEASE NOTE THE DOOR IS UP SIDE DOWN IN PHOTO”

The concept of rotating a picture, or even holding the camera the other way round seems to have escaped the seller.

“PICK UP,, ONLY UNLESS YOU GOT A BIG LETTER BOX”

Arf. He made a funny.

“PS ITS HEAVY,,,”

Well, you’d hope so really, wouldn’t you?
Strongroom doors aren’t generally made of balsa and tiussue paper are they?
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FIRE HUMAN ERROR NEGLECT/MISUSE

"GHD SPARES REPAIR BROKEN STRAIGHTENERS STRAIGHTNERS"

Can you smell burning

“I purchased these to fix but was unsuccessful.”

Well, that’s a promising start.

“So I am getting rid of them whilst clearing out my garage to make some space and generate some funds for planning an upcoming holiday.”

What a top-hole idea! I think, instead of spending nigh-on £200 on someone else’s rubbish, I too will put that money aside for a holiday or a similar treat!

“Some have broken parts or just simply not working.”

‘Simply’ not working. As in, broken; but in such a way that you cannot tell how, let alone fix.

“I imagine they can be repaired by some competent person or cannibalised for spares.”

And here comes the flattery. Seller admits they’re an idiot, but avoids accusing potential marks of the same by inferring they’re much smarter than the seller and they’ll easily make their money back.
Meanwhile, said seller will be sunning themselves on the beach (If they’ve resisted the urge to buy further get-poor-quick broken tat). Let’s also not forget that they’re likely to be in worse condition now than when they first bought them, having been tinkered about with by a person who has effectively admitted they are incompetent and wants your money in order to leave the country.
“I will also include spare end caps and original GHD plugs if I can find them.”
I.e. if they can be bothered.
May as well try and sell them as the ideal joke gift for a bald man.
(or for a man who’d like to be bald. Possibly with third degree scalp burns thrown in for good measure)
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FIRE

"A NOVELTY TOILET GAS CIGARETTE LIGHTER IN WORKING ORDER"

“THE LIGHTER IS IN PERFECT WORKING ORDER AND CONDITION.”

Ok, not broken technically, but aesthetically?

“A NOVELTY CIGARETTE LIGHTER IN THE FORM OF A TOILET.
THE LIGHTER MEASURES APPROX 60MM LONG X35MM WIDE X 50MM HIGH & IS CONSTRUCTED IN METAL.
TO USE THE LIGHTER YOU MUST LIFT THE LID AND PRESS THE BUTTON RIGHT FRONT.”

No longer required after Morph had that nasty accident.
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FIRE HUMAN ERROR

"GAS LIGHTERS X 3 (NO RESERVE)"


“ANOTHER NICE LOT,FOR THE LIGHTER COLLECTOR.”
Oh. Here we go again.

“This is a Highly Collectable Trio.”

Only by people like you and you’re trying to sell them, so if you don’t even want to keep them, why would anyone else?

“I try my best,with the Description:”

Ok. You try your best.

“1/KISS ME,ELECTRONIC,VINTAGE
2/SPACE SHUTTLE,ELECTRONIC,VINTAGE
3/DOLPHIN,(ELECTRONIC)”

Ok I suppose, descriptive so far, although I’m not sure of your usage of the term ‘vintage’. I think ‘old and tatty’ may be closer to the mark. At least you haven’t swerved off into the realms of complete fantasy though.

“HIGHLY SOUGHT AFTER BY THE KEEN COLLECTORS OF LIGHTERS/NOVELTY LIGHTERS.”

Oh, shame. And you were doing so well too.

“2 Lighters are working fine and one?
(not figured out how it works)”

Well that’s a promising sign. You sure it’s a lighter?
I mean, you’re the expert on these things, not me.

“Anyway,my Lighters are going as Spares.”

Unlike your brain cells.
” I ATTACHED SEVERAL PICTURES .HAVE A LOOK YOURSELF.”
Yes, I did.
Y’know, I’m not sure ‘one’ counts as ‘several’.
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FIRE Uncategorized


Slightly damaged due to love of money from excessively shameless merchandising.

DISCLAIMER: Not an actual product for sale, it’s a fake created by an unknown individual and found, uncredited, on the internet. Just thought it was too good not to share.
FIRE Uncategorized

"I Love Tenerife Ashtray – Un-damaged – Un-used"

ashtray

And, as it turned out, unwanted too.
A break from the norm this one; something undamaged that no-one wants, rather than something utterly buggered that lots of people try to outbid each other for.

“It has a small map of Tenerife on in, has never been used”

What? Not even to find your way back to the hotel or the airport?
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FIRE

"THE VEHICLE DETAILS, INDICATION OF DAMAGE, AND IMAGES SHOWN MUST NOT BE RELIED UPON AS AN AUTHORITATIVE STATMENT OF CONDITION"


MOST OF PREVIOUS OWNER’S BLOOD WIPED OFF SEATS/WINDSCREEN
View auction.