Category Archives: HUMAN ERROR

HUMAN ERROR PROBABLY FIXABLE

"Have I wasted the listing fee, I wonder?"

Do you live at 5 Toothill Avenue Brighouse HD6 3SA?

Does anyone?


If so, this is the auction for you!

“Address Embossing Seal: 5 Toothill Avenue Brighouse HD6 3SA, Tel Brighouse 2859″

“This is a very selective listing!”

You’re not kidding.

“I guess the only buyers are likely to be the residents at 5 Toothill Avenue or their friends!”

Or anyone wishing to pretend they live there for some reason.
Does living at the centre of the Leeds/Rochdale/Barnsley triangle hold a particular cachet I am unaware of?
Is it likely to help you attain membership to the nearby prestigious Rastrick Bowling Club?
Or does it just scare the bejesus out of local kids, having a garden that looks like it could be harbouring Stig of the dump?
I just know that if it does sell to anyone at that address, I wouldn’t want to be the postman or courier who has to try to deliver it there, unless I had a machete.
In which case, I suppose this might come in handy.
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HUMAN ERROR UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"I'm not 100% gurntee"


Sent in by “@NickH1982” – Thanks, Nick(H1982)!

“These Ipod Dock working.”

Which iPod dock? There’s more than one?

“when switch on everything working nothing”

Everything working nothing.
Clear. As. Mud.

“I can see anything wrong but i’m not expert.”

If you’re able to see anything that’s wrong you ought to go professional, that’s quite a talent.
But, going by this auction, I’d suspect you have a blind spot when it comes to literacy.

“I’m not 100% gurntee this item.”

I’m not surprised, is anyone?
How does one ‘gurntee’, anyway?
Does it involve pulling faces on a golf course, or is it more like this?

"Gurntea"

“no original box, only power adapter and doking station.”

Oh well, as long as the doking station’s included. Whatever that is.

“If you are unsure of the quality of the item from our description & photos please contact me”

It’s working, everything working nothing, you can see anything wrong, but you’re not 100% gurntee and only the power adapter and doking station are included.
Nope, that’s all pretty clear I think, don’t see why anyone would need to contact you there.

“Kept in animal and smoke free enviroment.”

Kept in a grammar and spelling-free enviroment, you mean.
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HUMAN ERROR PROBABLY FIXABLE UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"THE TRUTH IS I DONT KNOW"


Sent in by Jay Prospero – Thanks Jay!

“I AM SELLING THIS PHONE AS FAWLTY”

Ooooh! A celebrity look-alike seller!
Who gets to be Manuel? The buyer, I assume?

“THE TRUTH IS I DONT KNOW IF IT IS AS THIS USED TO BE MY SONS PHONE.”

Nonono, it’s “I know nothing about the horse” and that was Manuel’s line anyway!
Tch. I’m going to sell you to a vivisectionist.

“SWITCH THE PHONE ON AND IT JUST SAYS INSERT SIM CARD.”

Oh well, I suppose that’s more testing than most people seem to do.
Jay also sent in a handy matching box you can put it in, thought I’m not sure the binmen would be particularly bothered, either way.
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HUMAN ERROR NEGLECT/MISUSE WATER/LIQUIDS WORKED UNTIL BROKE

"still dead so it is now here"


The advertising:

“the iPhone 4 is thin as a rake but the front and back are 30 times stronger than the usual plastic. Reason – aluminosilicate glass, the stuff that windshields of military choppers are made of.”

The reality:

“1x iphone 4 16 gig in nice cosmetic condition. this item was dropped in the sink in water removed within seconds but damage was done”

So, if you ever find you need to quickly disable a military chopper*, quickly dunk it in a bowl of water.

“i cannot check iemi, the sim holder is missing.”

Are the sim holders soluble then? Seems an odd design feature.
And as for the iPad;

“1X IPAD 2,16 GIG WI.FI 3G please study pictures of this item, it was dropped face down and front is a mess. touch is smashed.screen is smashed,”

So. It’s all smashed then?

“back is not damaged in anyway”

Oh, that’s ok then. Obviously they make the backs of ipads out of military chopper windshields, but not the fronts.
Cheapskates.

“power button is intact,when powered on item is on for approx 10 seconds then powers of,then on again and process is repeated.”

If it could display “Just let me die”, it would.
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*not a euphemism
HUMAN ERROR PROBABLY FIXABLE

"CHRISTMAS GIFT IDEA"

Bin Man?

“ACTION FIGURE
CAN’T REMEMBER WHO HE IS”

Can anyone help this poor action figure remember who he is?
Captain Amnesia?
Blackout?
The Yellow Icicle?

“IF THIS ITEM IS PAID BY TUESDAY 20TH DECEMBER, I WILL TRY TO POST IT ON WEDNESDAY 21ST DECEMBER”

Try to post it.
Not the most comforting of assurances, that.
I can just picture Christmas morning now.
“I bought you a second-hand amnesiac action figure from ebay, but it hasn’t arrived yet. Happy Christmas.”
Although, maybe that could be better than actually receiving The Mighty Skirting-Board Man for Christmas?
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HIJINKS HUMAN ERROR WORKED UNTIL BROKE

"a moment of madness"

“I am selling my Samsung HD 26″ TV for Spares or Repairs.”

Trying to sell, you mean.
Oh wait, 4 bids already.
Give me strength.

“The TV is damaged and wont work.”

Did they not read that bit? Or at least see the picture?

“The screen had a collision with an xbox controller during a moment of madness and is now in need of repair, damage can be seen via the photos.”

I suppose it was only a matter of time once Microsoft released Kinect to try and steal some of the wii’s thunder.
And now 4 other people are obviously having a moment of madness themselves.

“Everything else with the TV is fine,”

Everything apart from the screen.
You know, the main thing you use a TV for?

“this was in brilliant working condition.”

Note, in particular, the past tense used there.

“I have had the TV for over 4 years.”

That’s nice. Wonder how long the xbox was in the house?

“I know the TV has 2 x HDMI, 2 x Scart, Digital input/output and built in freeview. See photo of back of TV. “

Well, yes, that's definitely the back. Not sure how that helps matters though.

“I am not to sure on any other specifications or the model.”

I wouldn’t worry about; I think “Buggered screen” pretty much covers it regarding the important specifications.

“I dont hold the instruction manual either.”

Like you didn’t hold the Xbox controller?

“If you wish to pay via cash or paypal then either is fine.”

How about magic beans? It is Panto season after all.
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HUMAN ERROR UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"RUBBISH NETBOOK LAPTOP"


Thanks to “Scott” who spotted this, saying “might be good but it’s a bit short”. Well, it never stopped Ronnie Corbett, did it?

Life's Too Short Johnny Depp Warwick Davis Ricky Gervais Populist Whoring Hello Web Spiders Harry Potter Leprechaun Willow Ewok Time Bandits What else?

{{Generic Riding-the-Zeitgeist-Shortarse picture goes here}}

“THIS NETBOOK LAPTOP IS A HEAP OF SHIT”

Interesting sales technique. Wonder if it will work?

“IT DO NOT WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

The laptop or the sales technique?

“I BOUGHT THIS OFF EBAY”

As you’re now hoping someone else will. Not sure you’ve thought this through.

“OFF LIN CHAO2010”

Who, in November, you gave the following feedback for:

“great to do business with A++++++++Perfect Huge asset to ebay!”

But now say:

“ITS A CON
PAY PAL WILL NOT HELP OR REFUND
AS ITS NOT FROM UK SELLER
SELLER NO HELP WHAT SO EVER
IT SAYS UK SELLER ON LISTING !!!!!!
PAY PAL SAY NOT”

So, even if someone appears to be a UK seller, selling new goods, they can be abroad somewhere selling tat.
Maybe you should have only given them A++++++ instead of A++++++++?

“YOU HAVE BEEN TOLD”

Indeed.
So, did this technique work in selling on this broken piece of imported tat?

“Ended: 12 Dec, 2011 16:45:28 GMT
Starting bid: £30.00 [ 0 bids ] “

In the seller’s own words,

“IT DO NOT WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

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HUMAN ERROR UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"Sold as seen."

"The seller has not uploaded any pictures. Check the item description for details."

“Voigtlander Vito B 1950s camera. Sold as seen.”

Oh, for pity’s sake.
You’d think someone selling cameras would be able to provide a sodding photo, wouldn’t you?
Unless that’s why they’re selling them?
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HUMAN ERROR UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"work or not i not have info"


Submitted by frequent contributer “Hoopy” with the short but to-the-point summation “Gibberish”.
I’ll be honest, I wasn’t sure whether to use it as I feared we may be making fun of someone with dyslexia, rather than just being genuinely thick.

“for sell matsui 7 digital picture frame model pf a701w i sell this for spares or repairs,no accessories,work or not i not have info,free delyvery only to uk,thanks”

But then I noticed some of their other auctions and they seem to be fairly consistent in their use of the phrases “for sell” and “free delyvery” along with their belief that there’s a car manufacturer called “mercedes benc“.
Maybe the sale of these goods will buy them a dictionary, or perhaps go towards paying for them to have some primary-school-level English lessons. Whether that will work or not i not have info
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HUMAN ERROR NEGLECT/MISUSE PROBABLY FIXABLE

"SHE IS DRY AND DOES NOT LEAK."

“I WAS HOPING TO RESTORE IT AND ENJOY HOWEVER THE WIFE HAS OTHER VIEWS.”

She doesn’t want you to restore it or doesn’t want you to enjoy?

“ALL MOVING PARTS HAVE BEEN FREE’D UP SO SHE MOVES PERFECTLY.”

The caravan or your wife?

“MY DEAR WIFE AND LOVE OF MY LIFE IS NOT HAPPY WITH IT AND SAIS IF I DONT GET RID OF THE VAN I WILL END UP SLEEPING IN IT!””

Sarcastic flattery. The man’s treading a dangerous path.

“SHE IS DRY AND DOES NOT LEAK.”

Again, the caravan or your wife?

“SHE TOWS PERFECTLY AS I BOUGHT HER HOME ON THE BACK OF A 4X4 FOR OVER 30 MILES WITH NO ISSUES”

She was fine until you got her home, but then she then started banging on about not liking the caravan.

“I WILL BE SORRY TO SEE HER GO BUT ITS COLD THIS TIME OF YEAR AND DO NOT FANCY SPENDING THE WINTER IN HER…

The caravan or….no, that one’s a bit too disturbing an image.

“SHE NEEDS A FEW HOURS TLC”

Well, that’s women for you, eh?

“PS CHECK WITH THE WIFE BEFORE BIDDING!…”

Sadly, he’s not given her contact details so how we’re supposed to check with her, heaven only knows.

“i have just turned an offer of £600 down as this watcher wanted to do a caravan/banger event at arena essex. id rather give her away for nothing to someone who will return the van to its former glory.. “

Not sure that’s the best sales tactic in the world, if I’m honest.
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