Monthly Archives: January 2012

UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"2 POUNDS OF BRONKEN WRISTWATCH BANDS"


Hoopy proving again that they’re worth their weight in gold with another submission, sadly of something that’s not even worth its weight in dog dirt, let alone scrap metal.

“2 POUNDS VINTAGE-CONTEMPORATRY OF MIXED MEN & LADIES WRIST WATCH BANDS.”

Contemporatry. My favourite type of watch band.

“General size from small to biggest”

Rather like dog poo.

“ALL OF THEM ARE BROKEN USED FOR PARTS ONLY”

Should you need broken parts.

“The lot that is pictured is a sample what is similar you will receive.”

i.e. two pounds of worthless tat.
Now, I’m as guilty as the next guy when it comes making bits of watches into jewellery and calling it ‘steampunk’, but this is the junk and detritus normally left over by such endeavours, not what you’d want to start with. I’m quite surprised they haven’t tried selling this as being ‘Steampunk“, but maybe that’s because they find it a tricky word to spell?
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HUMAN ERROR UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"I'm not 100% gurntee"


Sent in by “@NickH1982” – Thanks, Nick(H1982)!

“These Ipod Dock working.”

Which iPod dock? There’s more than one?

“when switch on everything working nothing”

Everything working nothing.
Clear. As. Mud.

“I can see anything wrong but i’m not expert.”

If you’re able to see anything that’s wrong you ought to go professional, that’s quite a talent.
But, going by this auction, I’d suspect you have a blind spot when it comes to literacy.

“I’m not 100% gurntee this item.”

I’m not surprised, is anyone?
How does one ‘gurntee’, anyway?
Does it involve pulling faces on a golf course, or is it more like this?

"Gurntea"

“no original box, only power adapter and doking station.”

Oh well, as long as the doking station’s included. Whatever that is.

“If you are unsure of the quality of the item from our description & photos please contact me”

It’s working, everything working nothing, you can see anything wrong, but you’re not 100% gurntee and only the power adapter and doking station are included.
Nope, that’s all pretty clear I think, don’t see why anyone would need to contact you there.

“Kept in animal and smoke free enviroment.”

Kept in a grammar and spelling-free enviroment, you mean.
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HUMAN ERROR PROBABLY FIXABLE UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"THE TRUTH IS I DONT KNOW"


Sent in by Jay Prospero – Thanks Jay!

“I AM SELLING THIS PHONE AS FAWLTY”

Ooooh! A celebrity look-alike seller!
Who gets to be Manuel? The buyer, I assume?

“THE TRUTH IS I DONT KNOW IF IT IS AS THIS USED TO BE MY SONS PHONE.”

Nonono, it’s “I know nothing about the horse” and that was Manuel’s line anyway!
Tch. I’m going to sell you to a vivisectionist.

“SWITCH THE PHONE ON AND IT JUST SAYS INSERT SIM CARD.”

Oh well, I suppose that’s more testing than most people seem to do.
Jay also sent in a handy matching box you can put it in, thought I’m not sure the binmen would be particularly bothered, either way.
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NEGLECT/MISUSE UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"(great for spare parts"

“hi i am selling a nintendo ds lite which is broken. the top screen is seperated from bottom screen and it dosent work because of this but it would be great for spares”

Or for sharing, maybe?
Like a Twix, or tapas, maybe?
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HUMAN ERROR NEGLECT/MISUSE WATER/LIQUIDS WORKED UNTIL BROKE

"still dead so it is now here"


The advertising:

“the iPhone 4 is thin as a rake but the front and back are 30 times stronger than the usual plastic. Reason – aluminosilicate glass, the stuff that windshields of military choppers are made of.”

The reality:

“1x iphone 4 16 gig in nice cosmetic condition. this item was dropped in the sink in water removed within seconds but damage was done”

So, if you ever find you need to quickly disable a military chopper*, quickly dunk it in a bowl of water.

“i cannot check iemi, the sim holder is missing.”

Are the sim holders soluble then? Seems an odd design feature.
And as for the iPad;

“1X IPAD 2,16 GIG WI.FI 3G please study pictures of this item, it was dropped face down and front is a mess. touch is smashed.screen is smashed,”

So. It’s all smashed then?

“back is not damaged in anyway”

Oh, that’s ok then. Obviously they make the backs of ipads out of military chopper windshields, but not the fronts.
Cheapskates.

“power button is intact,when powered on item is on for approx 10 seconds then powers of,then on again and process is repeated.”

If it could display “Just let me die”, it would.
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*not a euphemism
HIJINKS

"Only covered 70870 miles."

Vrooom

“Twin sunroofs are in perfect working order”

Have the ejector seats been deployed?

“It would be great for a new driver as it’s cheap to run and insurance is very cheap.”

At least until the insurance company find you’ve been driving like this, obviously.

“Only covered 70870 miles.”

But how much of that was covered on the ground and how much whilst airborne?

“The car is in very it’s great for its 17 years old.”

Okay…gave up halfway through and decided to go with ‘good for its age’, huh?

“Starts first time every time.
TAX – 6 months TAX.
MOT – 12 months MOT.
Interior of the car is like new.
The car has all its original sets of keys.
The car drives very well, has a 5 speed gearbox.
Rear seat belts fitted.
Nearly new tyres.
New battery fitted.
New belts.
New set of clutch
New clutch cable.
NEW SPARK PLUGS
NEW HIGH TENSION LEADS
NEW AIR FILTER
NEW OIL AND OIL FILTER.
All brake pads and shoes are changed, also all brake fluid system is nearly new.
No power steering.”

Now, was that before or after that picture was taken?

“These cars are getting very rare now in this condition and mileage.”

Is it any wonder?

“Viewing is very welcome before end of auction. “

Just look up.
You may need to duck a bit.

“No rust at the bottom of any of its doors.
Front and rear arches and sealls with NO rust and NO bubbles.”

Those brown marks on the front wing and passenger door must be something else then.

“I am only selling it because I have too many cars, including five Pandas.”

I think many people would say owning one panda is too many, I suspect five is the sign of an unhinged mind.

“Cash on collection.”

And no laughing.

“Make your best offer for this CAR.”

Yes. CAR.
Not PLANE.
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