Monthly Archives: November 2011

HUMAN ERROR UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"DISSENT HAVE POWER"

November 9, 2011 – 10:45 am

“WELL THE PROBLEM WITH THIS I POD IS THAT IT HAS A CRACKED LCD SCREEN AND THAT IT DISSENT HAVE POWER OR SWITCH ON AND IS NOT SEEN IN MY LAPTOP”

“I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS WRONG WITH IT”

Didn’t you just say what’s wrong with it just then?

“THE I POD HAS SCRATCHES ON THE FOUNT AND BACK AS YOU CAN BE EXPECTED WITH THESE I PODS OF THIS AGE.”

Scratches on the fount are to be expected apparently.
Whether you expected to find a fount on it is another thing entirely.

“THIS I POD IS ONLY GOOD FOR PARTS”

Or the bin.

“OR MAYBE SOME ONE WITH THE KNOW HOW CAN GET THIS LITTLE I POD GOING AGAIN.”

It’s a broken iPod, not the little engine that could.

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UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"COLOURS ON THE SCREEN ARE FAULTY"

November 9, 2011 – 9:30 am

“AS YOU CAN SEE FROM THE PHOTO, THE COLOURS ON THE SCREEN ARE FAULTY, THE DVD DOES WORK HOWEVER THE PICTURE IS THE SAME AS ON THE STANDARD TV.”

Oh well, just pretend you’re watching Avatar?
On drugs.
To be honest, it might be an improvement.

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UNKNOWN INCIDENT WORKED UNTIL BROKE

"fantastic condition"

November 8, 2011 – 10:45 am


Spotted last night by Alice – Thanks Alice!

“extremely rare Victorian stuffed miniature dog”

Rare because people kept killing and stuffing them?

“this is one of the worlds smallest dogs and stands only 10 cm high”

It was originally a great dane but things just kept going wrong and they had to keep snipping bits off.

“it was stuffed in 1866 by C Perfect”

{Insert bestiality joke here}

“the original glass was cracked and has now been replaced”

There we go. Even if you don’t think it’s aesthetically broken, I’m covered on that front.

“the dog has never been out of its case”

Not even for walkies?

“fantastic condition”

Apart from it being dead, obviously.

“one of opportunity to own a fascinating example of an early breed”

One-off opportunity to pay almost two and a half grand for a dead dog in a box.

“and a real conversation piece”

IT TALKS!?!

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HUMAN ERROR NEGLECT/MISUSE UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"I think it's 44 inches"

November 7, 2011 – 10:45 am

“This is a Polaroid plasma tv- NOT WORKING, for parts.”

Is it worth shaking it to help the picture develop?

“I think it’s 44 inches, very large screen “

Too large for a ruler or tape measure, obviously.

“which unfortunately is smashed.”

Ah, maybe the seller DID try shaking it.

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NEGLECT/MISUSE RAGE UNKNOWN INCIDENT WATER/LIQUIDS

"CAGE LAPTOPS"

November 4, 2011 – 10:45 am

Conflicted feelings today: Happy because we have a submission from “Ian” (Thanks Ian!), but sad because it’s brought this sad state of affairs to our attention.
Won’t somebody please stop this cruel trade in cage-fighting laptops?

“WE ARE OFFERING A CAGE OF 100 LAPTOPS”

No thanks, I’ll stick with free-range ones.

“WE RECEIVE APPROXIMATELY 200 UNITS PER DAY READY FOR SALE.”

By “Ready for sale”, I assume you mean “Ready for the bin”?
Or they’re ready for sale before you put them in cages to fight it out, then sell what’s left afterwards?

“DAMAGE VARIES ON UNITS. SOME POWER UP, OTHERS HAVE BROKEN SCREENS, A FEW MAY HAVE LIQUID DAMAGE.”

And some have had fluorescent tubes or folding chairs smashed over them?
That’s a few different categories ticked then.

“THERE IS NO GUARANTEE AS TO WHAT YOU MAY RECEIVE.”

Oh, I think you’ll find there is.
Guaranteed tat.

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HIJINKS SIGNIFICANT DISCOUNT TO ORIGINAL RRP

"The Rolls Royce of all musical instruments."

November 3, 2011 – 10:45 am


Ok, bit of a break from the norm today, partly because I just found it amusing but also because I just really can’t be bothered trawling through all the tat today.
No-one’s sent anything in for ages, what are you lot all up to, eh?

Ok, so it’s not actually broken, but that may because it is:

“Built to the highest quality using military and aviation spec components”

and

“(the red buttons in the keyboard are the ones designed and used in the B52 military aircraft!)”

Somewhere, there is a B-52 pilot wondering where half his cockpit has gone.

“Prior to my owning this system, it was owned by a world (very) famous musician/composer”

Mozart?
Beethoven?
Timmy Mallett?

“I guarantee that you will have heard many of the tracks it was used on, and quite probably you have heard it performing in a movie at some stage.”

Deaf people, prepare your complaints now.

“Included in the price is every music sound library made for Synclavier, by Synclavier.
(They cost 2,000 dollars EACH to buy new)

It also comes with the recent MegaMusic library for Synclavier included at no extra cost. (It cost £2,400 to buy new.)
This contains almost 17,000 musical instruments and unique sounds created on the Synclavier for the Synclavier.”

“When it was new the system cost 200,000 dollars. Yes, you did read that right. Two hundred big ones.”

See? There’s the “Significant discount” category ticked already. Stop complaining.

“You will be joining the most exclusive instrumental club in the world.”

Unless anyone wants to buy a kazoo from me for £30,000?

So, why sell something worth so much for such a (comparatively) low price?

“The Sob Story

Sadly for the Synclavier, my wife produced another child a few months back,
and while this is lovely it does mean that space is now diminishing by the day.

Please buy my Synclavier. My kids are eating me out of house and home.
(and what the hell do they do with all that toilet paper? We are always running out and it is costing me a fortune”

“I am happy to consider any sensible cash offers for a quick sale.”

For the kids or the Synclavier?
Wonder if he’ll accept payment in toilet rolls instead?

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NEGLECT/MISUSE SIGNIFICANT DISCOUNT TO ORIGINAL RRP UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"We have tested this unit"

November 2, 2011 – 10:45 am

“We have tested this unit and can confirm that the dvd player is not working.”

And?

“All other functions are in working order.”

So the screen’s meant to look like that, is it?

“The casing and screen are in good cosmetic condition with only minor cosmetic marks. Please see photos for details.”

That’s good cosmetic condition, apparently.
(Is that sellotape on the side of it?)

“Original RRP – £200″

And yet, somehow, it now doesn’t seem to be worth even a tenth of that price.
Strange, that.

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HUMAN ERROR UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"Two Mercedes CLS Wheels – Damaged"

November 1, 2011 – 7:00 am

Do you recognise these knuckles?Worst.

Product-photo.

Ever.

“I have tried to put as many photos as possible on, so you can see what these are and what the damage is.”

Oh yes, well done there. Maybe you can explain what this one’s meant to be of, though? This isn’t Blade Runner you know; we can’t look round corners in pictures, you actually have to point the camera at least vaguely in the direction of the thing you want photographed.

“I would like to reiterate these are damaged and hence cannot be placed on a car in there current state, so please only buy if you know what to do with them.”

Anyone? Anyone know what you should do with them?

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