Monthly Archives: September 2011

UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"you are doing your bit for the environment"

“Chuck away society? Think not.”

Hmmm, this one’s going to be trouble, isn’t it?

“This phone may work. Might not.”

Oooh! It’s a phone and a philosophical point to boot!
Will it be delivered in a box, bundled with a cat, a flask of a poison and a source of radioactivity?

“However there is definately enough meat on the bone good spares.”

I think I may be turning vegetarian.

“Your possibilities are countless,”

And we’re not even counting ‘binnable’ at this point.
So that’s one more than they were thinking of already.

“repairable..improvable even.”

Improvable. Hmmmm.
I’m guessing those sticky marks all over it are where it’s been ‘improved’ already?

“Remember phone parts are costly and scarce.”

Not from what we’ve seen here at times.
But then, to slightly distort a phrase from Blade Runner;

We’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe…”
Toilets on fire off the shores of eBay.
Dead cordless drills glitter the dark and a broken tailgate.
All those moments will be lost in time,like the contents of an idiot’s paypal account.

Time to die.”

“Why should you buy a new phone at > £50 with all the learning curve of a new phone if you already have this model or similar?”

Indeed. Why should you? If you already have this model phone (or similar) then you certainly have no need to buy this one as well.
And if you have a typewriter, why bother with a computer?
Hell, why bother with the typewriter when Gutenberg invented the movable-type printing press?

“Can the wheel get any rounder?”

Oh, we’re back to the philosophy again, are we?
You may as well ask how a fool and his money got together in the first place.
That would probably be more relevant.

“Also you are doing your bit for the environment. “

See, this is where I’m torn and feel he may have a point.
Yes, I’ve been unwell, before you ask.
On the one hand, I appreciate the idea of not upgrading your phone unnecessarily or even buying new when you can simply “make do and mend”.

But buying a phone that “may work. Might not”, paying for it to be transported across the country and then dropping it in the bin when you realise what you’ve done?
Or, even worse, sticking it back on ebay and have it trundle cross the country to yet another person?
I think that’s classed more as “throwing good money after bad”, isn’t it?
Sometimes you have to let go – Just put it straight in the recycling bin yourself and save the environment the extra carbon footprint.
Oh wait, they’re currently selling 44 other phones
So long, planet. Been nice knowing you.
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HIJINKS HUMAN ERROR NEGLECT/MISUSE PROBABLY FIXABLE

"THIS TV STILL WORKS"

“I,M SELLING THIS AS MY DAUGHTER SMASHED IT WITH A WEE CONTROLER”

Just as well it was a wee controller, I dread to imagine the damage she could cause with a large one.
Oh well, there’s always the wiiu to look forward to for that, I suppose.

What kind of damage is one of these going to cause?

“SO I,M SELLING THIS AS SPARE,S OR REPAIR”

In order to cover the cost of re-fitting that apostrophe that fell down between the I and the M? (and to clear away that other errant one you dropped in the word “spares”).
Or are they actually commas you put there on purpose?

“THIS TV STILL WORKS”

Hmmmm. It doesn’t really though, does it?

“BUT THE SCREEN IS BROKEN”

No. It doesn’t.
You’re not fooling me with your clever ALL CAPS statements.
Your name’s “kevin-lucky“, not Derren Brown.
I’m confused as to why someone would call themselves Kevin “Lucky” when they have two more broken TV sets they’re trying to sell. Plus two other working sets, one of which looks like it may have been made, frankenstein-style, with bits from the two broken sets, going by his previous purchases/feedback.
Kevin-dodgy, Kevin-cluttered-house or Kevin-Voided-Warranty-And-Invalidated-Household-Insurance-Policy would possibly be more accurate.

“THE TV IS NOT THAT OLD”

As it was most likely only recently assembled by Kevin from bits and pieces he probably ‘found’, like a modern-day Burke and Hare.

“…THANKS FOR LOOKING …”

Not that it makes the slightest jot of difference to the TV.
Look at the screen/don’t look at the screen – You’ll get the same viewing experience either way.
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UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"wasnt waterdameged"

“Hi there, got this item off ebay and it turns out that the screen doesnt respond and the battery is faulty but should be easily repaired by someone who knows how to fix it.”

Otherwise known as the “maybe you’ll have more luck” technique.
Maybe yet another category is needed?

“i cannot tell you if there are any other faults but the guy i got it from said that its alright but cant assure you on this one.”

And that worked well for you, didn’t it?
The next person to buy it will probably be advertising it, saying “the guy i got it from said the guy he got it from said its alright”.

“wasnt waterdameged,”

Wasn’t? But is now?

“should be working when someone gets it back to its original condition.”

i.e. if someone can get it working, it will be working.
If someone can’t, it will no doubt end up on ebay again.
And again.
And again.
It’s the circle of life.

What am I bid for this cuddly lion cub?
Only slightly soiled, with some marks to fascia.
Bloke I got it from said it should be fine.


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HUMAN ERROR UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"The Bike is in working condition"


Emergency update sent in by “Scott” who didn’t want anyone to miss out on this ‘bargain’.

“The disk of the rear wheel was bended , so i replaced it with a normal wheel.”

“The Bike is in working condition”

No, I’m not falling for that trick again.
Not twice in one day anyway.
I suppose I should be grateful they’re not saying it in caps though.

“But there is no back brake.”

Could this be how the rear wheel was bended?
Or was the back brake lost during the bended-ing process?
Bending process?
Bendedisation.

“The bike must need back brake for safety.”

Well, yes, they generally do…

“The front brake is working but need adjustment.”

…As slamming the front brakes on without using back brakes has a tendency to fling people over the handlebars.

“The disk claiper has been replaced recently.
I tried to fix the read wheel , but found out the barrel was bended. and i could not fix it.”

Anyone care to attempt a translation?

“I will also include the old rear wheel . but it will need to be fixed.”

Thrown away, more like.

“The bike is in used condition and has scratch marks.”

And bended bits.
Don’t forget the bended bits.

“Sorry i dont have much knowledge about bikes so i could not be more specific about the faults.”

I think you could have just kept it simple with “ruined” and we would have understood.
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Uncategorized UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"PERFECT WORKING ORDER"

“This Television is in PERFECT WORKING ORDER”

Really?

“apart from two faint green lines running down the left hand side of the screen”

Oh no, of course not, silly me.
Forgot where I was for a minute.
And I was fooled by the cunning technique of putting the MISLEADING DESCRIPTION IN BOLD.
Speaking of which…

“APPARENTLY THIS TV HAS A VERY GOOD CHANCE OF BEING FIXED BY RUBBING YOUR FINGER DOWN EACH OF THE TWO LINES DOWNWARDS.”

Also, you could try dancing naked round it during the summer solstice or sacrificing a goat to it.
Probably just as good a chance of fixing it that way.

“THIS IS ADVICE THAT I HAVE HAD OFF ANOTHER EBAYER SO I CANT WHOLLY PROMISE IT WILL WORK”

Oh yes, because all other sellers on ebay are well balanced and not at all a bunch of nutjobs selling any old tat under the pretence of them being “metaphysical items“.

(That last lunatic spotted by “Hels”. Thanks Hels, I think.)

“BUT IT IS AN OPTION FOR WHOEVER WINS THE BIDDING IF YOU WANT A WORKING SET, THANKS”

Ignoring the better option for those wanting a working set, of course.
Which would be to BUY A WORKING SET.
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NEGLECT/MISUSE PROBABLY FIXABLE UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"Please revise your bid accordingly!"


Submitted by “Ric” – Thanks Ric!

“Up for auction is a nonfunctional HP TouchPad Wi-Fi 32GB for parts or repair only.”

“Nonfunctional”? Well, that’s one way of putting it.
An alternative description could be:

“Fully functional HP-branded fingerprint remover”.

Or, in Ric’s own words:

“smashed to f……g smithereens”

“The display is badly damaged; use caution when handling the cracked screen.”

Yes, there’s nothing like wearing thick leather gloves to protect your fingertips from shards of glass to improve the user experience, is there?
Still, preferable to slowly (not to say agonizingly) losing your fingerprints and smearing blood all over the screen, I suppose.

“Note that this item is being sold as-is, with no guarantee of working parts inside.”

No guarantee…but then:

“On Sep-06-11 at 19:25:41 PDT, seller added the following information:
The tablet actually WORKS!”

Even the seller seems surprised.

“It takes a longer hold of the power button than I was expecting, but the device turns on and appears to function normally. Please revise your bid accordingly!”

Yes, feel free to revise your bids when you realise you may have bid up to $167.51 for a broken piece of tat that allegedly worked, prior to its screen being shattered.
But hey, it supposedly worked one more time after that.
When the seller felt the bids hadn’t gone high enough for their liking, a cynical person might say.
And may work again, as long as you hold the power button longer than you would expect.
So yes,

“revise your bid accordingly”

But not forgetting the earlier line

“being sold as-is, with no guarantee”

or the key word from their very first line:

“nonfunctional”

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NEGLECT/MISUSE RAGE UNKNOWN INCIDENT WATER/LIQUIDS




Obviously, serial submitter “Hoopy” is feeling their territory is being threatened and is fluffing up their chest feathers and strutting about the place squawking

“See your iPod and raise you an iPad”.

I’ve got cockerels like that.
As long as Hoopy doesn’t start pecking any of the other submitters and getting on the roof of my shed I think we’ll be ok.

Apparently,

“It’s been dropped and damaged.”

Dropped and damaged?
Damaged as a result of the drop or just damaged as well, for good measure?
And as Hoopy wondered,

“Dropped onto what, and from what height?”

Obviously, your guess is a good as mine but I’d suspect it was with some force to bend the casing like that.
Think that’s good enough for me to tick the rarely-used “Rage” category.

“It does not seem to power on when plugged in.”

Really? Well that’s surprising.

“It does not include the original box or software and does not include the charger. “

Of course it doesn’t. They were probably sold separately, after all.
Or maybe they burnt up on re-entry to the earth’s atmosphere?
I mean, it was dropped from Low Earth Orbit, wasn’t it?

“There may be dents, scratches, or scuffs that don’t show up well in the photos.”

Is that because they’re hidden underneath all the other dents and cracks?
I don’t think you really need to worry about the unseen damage, I would have thought the damage you can see in the pictures would be enough to put you off. Having said that, it doesn’t seem to have deterred the 4 bidders so far.

“It is possible that this item has been exposed to liquid.”

Oh, just to make sure, eh?

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NEGLECT/MISUSE PROBABLY FIXABLE

"The back is severely bent out of shape."


Another contribution from “John F” – Thanks John!

“It has been run over and the screen is shattered.
The back is severely bent out of shape.”

I think it’ll take more than a few trips to the chiropractor to fix that.

“The iPod does work when you plug it into iTunes(pictured below). “

I have to say, that’s quite impressive.
Going by previous examples, a few drops of water are all it usually takes to completely knacker one of these.
Obviously made of tougher stuff than usual.
Just not as tough as a car.

“A few changes and you will have a deal on a 32Gb iPod Touch. “

That would be changes to the laws of physics and/or time, yes?
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WATER/LIQUIDS WORKED UNTIL BROKE

"water was dropped onto the iPad"


Oh dear, looks like the iPad floodgates have opened.

“Put together your laptop, iPod and iPhone – you get the dynamic Apple iPad.”

But what happens when you put together your laptop, iPod, iPhone and some water?
You get a somewhat less dynamic iPad, it would appear.
(That still can’t make phone calls, so why you’d add an iPhone into the mix to start with is anyone’s guess.)

“The Apple iPad, with a perfect blend of looks and performance is probably the only gadget you will ever need again”

Until they bring out a waterproof version, anyway.

“Apple iPad 16GB, water was dropped onto the iPad and it no longer powers on,”

Well, I suppose water’s better than the last one.”
It’s not just me that thinks that wording’s a bit off, is it?
It didn’t ‘get wet‘, it had ‘water dropped on it‘. Wonder how much?
A pallet-load? Was it moisture damage or impact damage?

“Has a few small dints to the back casing,”

Hmmm, we never saw the back of the previous one. Wonder if anyone thought to check that.
Maybe that was ok and could have been used as spares to fix this one?
That was £196 all in, ths one’s currently at £104, so that’s currently £300 for 2 broken ipads.
Providing no other lunatics start bidding.
How much is a brand new working one again?

“was working fine before the water damage.”

Apple has an app called Time Machine, don’t they?
Will that help in this instance?
Or do you still have to be able to travel back in time to before the damage tooke place in order to install it?
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UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"modern moving sound"

“Not sure if working, “

A radio’s a tricky beast to test, after all.
I mean you have to switch it on, turn the volume dial, tune in a station, that’s far too much trouble for the average human being to go through.

“but has extending ariel”

Managed to get past the first step then. And then got confused by a font.
Best not go any further.
Checking the tapedeck’s working would obviously sit somewhere between brain science and rocket surgery.

“Great for teenagers, who enjoy modern moving sound.”

Hey, less of the modern hip-talk daddio!
Although personally, I’d think an entirely silent radio would be ideal for teenagers.

“Item is sold as seen Spares of Repair if not working>”

Spares of repair. Not seen that one before.
Wonder what it means?
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