"spaire and repaire"

Forsooth! ’tis Hoopy once more, bearing yet further night soil peddlers seeking to hawk their fetid goods!
We are indeed indebted to you, Hoopy!

“The laptop is for spaire and repaire only , is faulty …. no returns accepted …”

Laptop? Alas, what strange words you speak, I understand not.
But Spaire and Repaire? A fyne traditionne indeede. Continue.

“The laptop was perfect working till get damaged ….”

Perchance you are the village fool?
Are not all things undamaged until they become damaged?
Where is thy bladder on a stick, fool?

“Display broken , need new display also the plastic cover from memory rams and fan its damaged , need changd …..”

Memory rams?
What wicked devilry is this?
Hast thou been making thyself known to the flocks in the fields?

“left henge cracked also”

It has a henge! A cracked henge but a henge, no less!

“but that dosent afect the oppening”

Nor dose it afect the rising or the setting of the sun any more.
Nor the changing of the seasons or the bounty of the harvest.
For, though once forged by the finest eastern druids, it has been handled like a bulls pizzle in the lumpen hands of a of a pictish dolt.

“the henge was broken from the begin and i use the laptop like that …. “

The henge was broken from the begin?
You take us for fools?
Perjurers, cutpurses and other wrongdoers spend time in the stocks – If you wish to avoid a similar fate I would advise you confess now that, being the beef-witted illiterate thou art, thou didst believe it to be a plough and used it thusly.

“Everythink is inside : 250 hard , 4 gb ram and others … come with battery and charger and his old battery wich hold 5 min on”

No, it’s no good, I cannot tolerate this shameful abuse of the english language any more.
Mine or yours.
I’m sorry, I’m going to have to stop before I’m seriously ill.

“The laptop was perfect working till get damaged …. no any future tests after that …”

Nnnngh! Stop it!


Yes, I did read it.
And that’s precisely why I’m not bidding.

“No returns
Happy Bidding !!!”

As opposed to No Bidding/Happy returns.
View Auction


  • Feral Techie
    September 28, 2011 - 11:34 am | Permalink

    ‘E’s a witch! Burn ‘im!

  • Stagefrightinsteadofname
    September 28, 2011 - 5:24 pm | Permalink

    But if you read the descriptions you’ll find that Ebay’s full of crap.
    Much better to just look at the pretty pictures and bid bid bid.

  • anonymous[1]
    September 28, 2011 - 6:09 pm | Permalink

    Perjurers, cutpurses and other wrongdoers spend time in the stocks…
    Cutpuses, you say? And yet no mention of footpads. Does a footpad not desreve a similar fate? And what of the common bindlestiff?

  • Ric
    September 28, 2011 - 8:31 pm | Permalink

    Best entry in a long time.

  • My Name Is Hoopy and I'm Dancing On The Sand
    September 28, 2011 - 9:41 pm | Permalink

    £190 BIN. Cunt.

  • Comments are closed.