"my frustration and anger caused me to accidently delete all the files"


Well, this certainly makes a change. Thanks go to “Sarah” for sending this one in, I think it may be our first auctioned item broken in spite.

“This was my wife’s, may her knicker draw be infested with the fleas of a thousand Camels…”

Always nice to start a listing with a curse.

“I bought this for the back-stabbing harlot, some four or five years ago, before she met Nigel with the Little Penis, and it cost me over £400…
As bless her cheating little heart, she gets lost driving out of the street…perhaps without this she would never have found the way to Nigels door, nor perhaps his stain riddled bed…”

Stain riddled bed? We’ve had one or two of those before, wonder if Nigel woud be interested?

“Her infidelity was discovered when I took her car for an MOT, and while waiting, I was tinkering with the Sat Nav and noticed that all her recent journeys had all been to Nigel’s…
So, like any normal human, I reprogrammed Nigel’s address to one in a town far far away…”

“My wife bless her treacherous ways, didn’t realise there was anything amiss until she was driving East along the M4.
She then tried to act all innocent and lying through her cherry red venemous snake lips, asked if I could sort out her beloved TomTom as something was terribly wrong with it: when she used it to drive to her sisters it took her along the M4.
I presume her sister means Nigel with the erectile problems…”

“With the anger of the betrayed I said I would, but my frustration and anger caused me to accidently delete all the files from the internal drive instead…”

Yup, that would certainly be a new category if it wasn’t too long.

“Words were spoken, accusations were made… The air hung heavy and was coloured blue with profanity…
I find it difficult to believe her claims that this is all my fault…
I wasn’t the one getting lost while travelling to Pencil Dick Nigel’s house…
After much arguing she has decided her future lies in the squallor of Nigel’s cockroach infested hovell…
Good luck to them both… may the ten plagues of Egypt visit their stained adulterous bed…”

“I now have her TomTom Go 700 but have no idea how to reinstall the software, and really I don’t want the reminder of the cheating, lying, heartless, creature of the night.
All the other accessories are still in her car, so I hope they are happy living at Nigels together.
Therefore this auction is just for the TomTom Go 700 itself…”

And that’s certainly one of the better excuses for why the various accessories and charger are missing.

“I’m sure someone somewhere can make this work…”

As the failed marriage guidance councillor once said.

“As an after thought…
There is no returns for this…I really don’t want it back…”

I’m assuming he’s still talking about the satnav at this point.

“The auction Starts at a low but fair £20 and all proceeds will go to taking me out on a bloody good night with copious amounts of alcahol, wine, women, and song…and if the price is right…maybe a curry to boot…
So please bid with confidence that all proceeds are for a very worthy cause…”

Possibly one of the first broken tat auctions I’d say may be worth a (small) bid.
However, as I type this, it’s at £1,140.00 (and has been much higher).
Instead, I’ll echo Dave’s later comment

“Instead anyone who feels similar make a donation to
Cancer Reaserch or Heart Disease Research
both are worthy causes
Maybe some good will come from this listing…”

Well, it’s given me an easy post for the start of the week so that’s good enough for me.
View Auction

One comment

  • Feral Techie
    September 26, 2011 - 11:25 am | Permalink

    If you love something, let it go.
    Or chain it up in the cellar until it begs for mercy. That works too.

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