Monthly Archives: August 2011

UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"The crack is approx 3" in diameter"

“The tv is only 6 months old but has recently had the screen cracked as shown in the picture. The crack is approx 3″ in diameter. The picture is not working although I am not sure if the two are connected as the picture stopped working several weeks after the damage took place.”

Yeah, there’s no reason to assume these events are related in any way, is there?

“There is still sound and you can change the channels as noraml but just no picture.”

An ideal oversized novelty replacement for a radio then?

“The tv has it’s original remote control and apart from the damage on the screen and the picture not working it is in excellent condition.”

Apart from the damaged, non-working screen; Yes, it’s excellent.
View Auction

Uncategorized

"bid before the auction ends."

“This item contains scratches”

Contains scratches? You’ve managed to scratch inside it?
Blimey.

“so please bear this in mind before making a bid before the auction ends.”

As opposed to the usual practice of only bidding once the auction is over.

“why not make a bid before the auction ends and possibly save some money.”

Or not bid at all and save yourself even more?

“Anything not mentioned in the description or shown in the photo is not included with the item”


Now, you’ve included this photo so I could expect all this lot be included as well, could I?
View Auction

SIGNIFICANT DISCOUNT TO ORIGINAL RRP WORKED UNTIL BROKE

"must just be something and nothing"

“This is a really nice TV from Samsung that was used im my bedroom but has now been upgraded to a 32 inch so is no longer needed.
Is in EXCELLENT condition.”

Really? Oh no, wait, here it comes.

“HERE IS THE PROBLEM………There is a intermittent fault;”

Figures.
Excellent condition apart from that though.

“Sometimes it will just swith off or just does not want to turn on, sometimes it is fine. This has happened a few times but to be honest the last time I turned it on, last week when taking the pictures for this ad it stayed on for over 3 hours before I actually turned if off! I have had it in a repair shop who said he couldn’t find anything wrong with it so must just be something and nothing.”

“Something and nothing.”
That’s the technical description of the fault, obviously.

“It cost over £340.00 new and has not really been used that much as it was only in the bedroom and must get switched on once or twice a week!”

And yet it still broke.

“If you win the bid the TV must be collected along with the cash within 3 days.”

You have to collect the TV and collect the cash? Now it’s sounding tempting.
How much cash are we talking about?
Oh, just £40 at the moment.
And a drive to Bradford to pick it up.
Not really sure that’s worth it, sorry.
View Auction

HUMAN ERROR

"McDonalds 2000 BNIB"

“This auction is for a Wind up Toy – Dinosaur & Monkey”

Ok…it’s a wind-up…

“issued by McDonalds in 2000”

I’m not sure that counts as brand new, does it?
That is what BNIB is meant to mean, isn’t it?

“Condition: Used: An item that has been previously used. “

Oh, apparently not, then.
Suggestions, anyone?

  • Buyer Needs Institutionalising Badly?
  • Best Not Impugn Believability?
  • Bin. Now. Immediately. BIN!
  • “Mint in original sealed bag”

    And if that’s the case, how come it’s not in a bag in the picture?
    Or is there a complimentary mint, in a bag, as an added bonus?
    View Auction

    NEGLECT/MISUSE PROBABLY FIXABLE UNKNOWN INCIDENT

    "total electrical failure"

    Hi-ho Silver
    Spotted by “brooza” – Thanks Brooza!

    “The Good Bits:

    • bike is pretty much complete, all the important parts are there

    Oh that doesn’t sound too bad then.
    No, wait; My scrapheap-sense is tingling again.

    • engine start and runs just fine when jump-started from a car

    Wonder what he starts the car with? A Tractor?
    And the Tractor is jump-started from what?
    I’m imagining a whole chain here, like a vehicular version of “the old lady who swallowed a fly”.

    • tyres front & rear almost as new, with plenty of thread”

    Thread? Not Tread? Has he sewn the tyres together himself?
    Impressive.

    “The Bad Bits:

    • the electrics have been heavily “modified” by a previous owner

    That’s “modified” as in “totally ballsed-up”, obviously.

    • no battery, no proper ignition switch, no indicators fitted (indicator wiring seems to be there)

    Indicators are apparently not “important parts”.
    Perhaps he normally drives a BMW?

    • clock console is missing and the dash lights have been moved to the side of the headstock

    Oh well, who needs the clock anyway?
    Just put a little note in its place saying “Time to get a safer bike”

    • there is a dent in the petrol tank, and the fuel cap won’t close properly

    Thats comforting.
    I think that’s a tick in the ‘unknown incident’ box.

    • some chrome trim pieces (backrest, rear mudguard struts, radiator surround) are missing

    I think we can let those go. They’re the least of your worries, really.

    • front fork seals are leaking and need to be replaced
    • the clutch lever is partially broken off

    All the important parts are there though, remember?
    Rather importantly, said parts may all need replacing.

    • seat cover very worn with a few small tears”

    Where people have wept over the state of it?
    View Auction

    NEGLECT/MISUSE UNKNOWN INCIDENT

    "Only 3 of the screens are smashed"

    “This auction is for a bulk lot of 21 laptops all faulty for spares or repairs. If I find anymore I will chuck them in : ).”

    No, please don’t.

    “All are missing at least one item ie hard drive, ram, dvd drive or just a panel. Only 3 of the screens are smashed all the others look good.”

    But remember, looks can be deceiving.

    “Alot of them will boot up to bios and just need a reinstall but alot of them will need some sort of repair.”

    Most of them, if not all, will need throwing away.

    “There is alot of money to be made from these but i just dont have the time to go through all of them”

    Isn’t it terrible, when people are too busy to get rich?

    “so they will all be sold as faulty for spares or repairs as I dont want them back.”

    Just like how the people who sent them to him didn’t want them.
    I’m sensing a pattern forming here.

    “Most of them just have a hard drive cover missing or a hard drive etc so im sure you can get alot of them working if you know how to fix laptops.”

    And if you don’t, you could always try to sell them.
    View Auction

    HUMAN ERROR NEGLECT/MISUSE WORKED UNTIL BROKE

    "(SLIGHT FAULT)"


    Reader “Kev” spotted this auction and felt we hadn’t had enough iPhones of late so sent it in. Thanks Kev!

    “Phone was working great until tried and change the back cover to pink, as a result the touch screen doesnt work nor do the volune keys on the side”

    Nice work. Brute force and ignorance strikes again.

    “PHONE IS NOT BARRED”

    But neither is it good , is it?
    Sorry, that’s my Wenglish coming through there, isn’t it?

    “The sim can holder is hard to get out but can be forced out”

    Can be forced out. Well, that’s comforting to know.
    I believe the back can be replaced in much the same way, by simply wrenching the screen off with all your might.
    Followed by removing the remaining internal components with a melon-baller.

    “Is in good condition few marks”

    No visible bruising, you mean?

    “No scammers”

    Well that’ll certainly scare them off.

    “PLEASE NOTE: WHILE I AIM TO GET EVERYTHING CORRECT, AT TIMES MISTAKES CAN HAPPEN OR PROBLEMS CAN OCCUR”

    Like the touchscreen not working, you mean?

    “IN THE EVENT OF THIS PLEASE CONTACT ME SO I CAN SORT THE ISSUE.”

    Or, failing that, to try and sell it. That’ll solve the problem.
    View Auction

    SIGNIFICANT DISCOUNT TO ORIGINAL RRP

    "outstanding picture quality"

    Peekaboo! I see you!

    “Only 18 Months old and cost me £680”

    Significant discount category? Yes, I think so.

    “Faulty JVC 42″ Plasma screen TV suitable spares or repair.”

    Or taking to the local dump.

    “I can guarantee its not been near or seen any riots EVER !!!!!!!!!!”

    Because it broke before the recent riots were shown on TV?
    And you never saw any footage of any other riots prior to that either?
    On an entirely unconnected note, I wonder what he’s watching TV on now and where he got it from?

    “This 42 inch widescreen plasma screen features outstanding picture quality as well as a built in Freeview tuner, A high static contrast ratio of 3000:1 offers a crisp image while the Nicam 3D sound system brings digital audio to your living room. Including a table top stand and a wall mounting option as well as a choice of connection options including HDMI means this TV will easily integrate into your home entertainment system.”

    “As stated this TV is FAULTY Spares or Repair only “

    Which rather renders the previous paragraph null and void really, doesn’t it?
    View Auction

    NEGLECT/MISUSE

    "SCREEN DOSE NOT LIGHT UP"

    “THIS IS A HITACHI ALIS 42″ 1080 HD READY TV – PD8600 ( WITH REMOTE )”

    Is it? {squints at picture}
    If you say so…

    “THIS TV IS FOR SPARES OR REPAIRS ONLY HAS IT HAS BEEN HIT WITH A WII REMOTE AND BUST THE SCREEN…………”

    Nintendo doing their bit for the world economy once more, forcing people to buy new TVs every day.
    And increasing the amount of broken TV’s on ebay as well.
    Gits.

    “THIS TV IS NOT WORKING AS THE TV’S SCREEN HAS CRACKED SHOWN IN PHOTO”

    Barely.

    “AND THE SCREEN DOSE NOT LIGHT UP.”

    I wonder if TV manufacturers are ever going to start selling ‘ruggedised’ sets for people with wii’s?
    Or pencils, footballs or £2.99 plastic recorders?
    Or if there’s market in selling old metal fireguards, re-tasked as TV-guards?

    “THE ONLY THING THAT IT DOSE IS SOUND COMES FROM IT AND IT BUZZERS WHEN SWITCHED ON……..”

    Sound comes from it and it ‘buzzers’.
    I don’t think that’s a sound you want to come from it.
    View Auction

    UNKNOWN INCIDENT

    "purple fizzing"

    “this philips plasma tv pfp 5532d started showing purple fizzing on the screen in places”

    Oooh, that doesn’t sound good.

    “then it showed no picture at all”

    That sounds worse.

    “then the sound went”

    That sounds…errr, quiet?

    “but the plasma screen and glass panel seem fine”

    Oh well that’s ok then
    View Auction