Monthly Archives: July 2011

UNKNOWN INCIDENT WORKED UNTIL BROKE

"it would not turn on."

July 26, 2011 – 10:45 am

“I was using it one day and the next it would not turn on.”

Oooh, mysterious!
What do we think he was using it for that day?

“I have a friend who advised me to sell it for spares or repairs”

As opposed to either getting it fixed or putting it in the bin. Nice friend.
Here’s hoping someone sells them some broken tat at some point.

“Feel free to contact me on [mobile number removed but to be honest I may as well have left it as it's on the auction anyway]“

I’m assuming that the seller has another mobile phone to use or all your calls will be going straight to voicemail.

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NEGLECT/MISUSE

"working as you can see on the picture!"

July 25, 2011 – 2:00 pm

“Damaged in transit! screen faulty ,power on working as you can see on the picture!”

Oh yes, that’s working really well, isn’t it?

“Local pick up only from north london( finsbury park area)!”

Probably for the best, you wouldn’t want it damaged in transit, would yo…
Oh.

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SIGNIFICANT DISCOUNT TO ORIGINAL RRP WORKED UNTIL BROKE

"Iam not sure why it dose this."

July 25, 2011 – 12:30 pm

Nice Austin Powers Tribute...

“This Scooter cost over £1950 when it was brand new”

That’s nice. It’s not new now though, is it?

“This scooter has been in storage for a few month, before it went into storage it worked fine.”

So, that’s “Significant discount to original RRP” and “Worked until broke” categories already, then?

“Sometimes this scooter dose drive and sometimes it doesn’t drive.”

Great. Now I have “Some girls” (by Racey) stuck in my head.
Marvellous.
Some scooters will, some scooters won’t
Some scooters need a lot of lovin’ and scooters don’t

“When you leave it for a while, it works again. Iam not sure why it dose this.”

Maybe it’s just old and a bit out of breath?
Perhaps you ought to get it a mobility scooter to get around on?

“Comes with charger”

Well that’s something.

“The seat can turn sideways”

Is it meant to?

“I can deliver this scooter up to 100 miles from Worthing, West Sussex for £60. I dont own a vehicle, £60 will cover my vehicle rental + petrol”

That’s £60 one-way, obviously, not £60 for a 200-mile round trip. He’ll ride the scooter to you, then hire a car to come home.
As long as it “dose drive”, of course.

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NEGLECT/MISUSE UNKNOWN INCIDENT WORKED UNTIL BROKE

"really good con"

July 25, 2011 – 10:45 am

“this is in great con only bought in december but it has a cracked screen”

Yes, really great con(dition).

“it is otherwise in really good con and fully working comes in its original box”

So it’s broken, but otherwise fine.

“with instructions sorry thats all cant find the charger”

They never can, can they?

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PROBABLY FIXABLE UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"they come out all black"

July 22, 2011 – 2:00 pm


Courtesy of “Andy” – Cheers Andy!

“Only major problem is that the screen on the back doesn’t show the photos (it stays black) and even though they appear to take, they come out all black.”

So I would imagine the screen on the back is 100% accurate then?
Or maybe they’ve only tried taking pictures of the New Zealand rugby team?

“Could be fixed I imagine if you know what you are doing…. a sensor of some sort?!?!?!?!?”

Well it’s not a lenscap being left on (as it doesn’t have one) so I suppose you can rule out that level of idiocy.
Nice to see their new camera’s working well though; they must be enjoying it, going by the 8 extra pictures they included.

“Please do not bid if you have ebay rating of 10 or fewer.”

10 or fewer? Not 10 or less?
Blimey, have we discovered our first literate ebay seller?
Quick, smarten the place up a bit!
Triple check for spelling and grammatical errors!

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NEGLECT/MISUSE PROBABLY FIXABLE UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"COSMETICALLY IN VERY GOOD WORKING CONDITION"

July 22, 2011 – 12:30 pm

“GENUINE ATARI JOYSTICK CONTROLLER IN GOOD WORKING CONDITION!!!”

Really? Good working condition? Are you sure?

“ON OFFER IS A GENUINE ATARI JOYSTICK CONTROLLER IN GOOD WORKING CONDITION!!!”

I guess you are, or you wouldn’t have immediately repeated yourself.

“GENUINE ATARI CONTROLLER!!!”

That’s three times you’ve said that now. I think we get the point.

“WORLDWIDE COMPATIBILITY!!!”

Oh that’s good. You can use it anywhere in the world. How handy.
Region locked joysticks are one of my bugbears.
Or they would be, I’m sure. If they existed.

“COSMETICALLY IN VERY GOOD WORKING CONDITION”

I say again – Really? Good working condition?
Cosmetically? As in, it looks like it works ok?
I mean, even if it does work ok, it really doesn’t look good.
Y’know, cosmetically speaking.

“APART FROM THE RUBBER SURROUNDING JOYSTICK IS MISSING BUT NOT AFFECTING OPERATION!!!”

So the shaft of your joystick is missing its rubber sheath?
I’m sure there’s either a smutty or religious joke in there somewhere (or both) but I can’t quite place my finger on it…

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HIJINKS

"Cheesy/oniony aroma"

July 22, 2011 – 10:45 am


Another one courtesy of “Hels”, who admits freely that she

“Might be getting a little obsessed…
Found another non broken but stupid one:
Byee, Hels x”

Yes, it may not technically be broken, but it’s not exactly right either.

“Found in a pack of normal cheese and onion Hula Hoops on a sunny day in Stratford Upon Avon.”

It’s the little background details in an auction that really help paint a picture, isn’t it?
I wonder if Stratford-upon-Avon Tourist board would be interested in using this giant crisp as a potential draw for tourists?
Would make a change from their usual schtick anyway and let’s face it, this sort of thing is “Such stuff as dreams are made on“.
Especially if eaten just before bedtime, anyway.

“Crisps dimensions are approx 3 times the size of a standard Hula Hoop.”

Obviously we’ll just have to take their word for that, seeing as they haven’t supplied anything else in the photo you can use to judge the scale.

“Golden in colour, Cheesy/oniony aroma.”

Thank god it’s just a fried potato snack we’re talking about here.

“Crisp has not been touched by the seller, it has been treated with kit gloves since discovery this lunchtime.”

Kit gloves? Did they assemble them themselves?

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DISTURBING HIJINKS WATER/LIQUIDS

"These stains are from wear over the years"

July 21, 2011 – 10:45 am


Oh god, this is even worse than the last time we had a mattress on here.

“As you can see from the pictures this bed is in well used condition and has a lot ‘staining’ on the matress which gives the mattress a ‘dirty’ look.”

That’s ‘staining’ and ‘dirty’ with ‘fingerquotes’, obviously.
So, it’s not really stained or dirty, is it?

“I try to be as honest as i can when listing items. These stains are from wear over the years.”

Oh. I guess it is.

“There is NO BLOOD, OR URINE STAINS, just from usuall wear.”

Oh. ‘Usual wear’.
Those stains, then.
Never before has the reassurance of the lack of blood or urine been so disturbing.

“The divan its self is a litte ‘grubby’ from again daily use.”

There’s those little marks either side of the disturbing word in the sentence again.
Also, “daily use”? You mucky bugger.

“It also has alot of plucking from my cat who thought it was her strach post!”

That is definitely “plucking”, isn’t it?
Only I notice it’s not in quotes and just want to be sure.

“The drawers are all good quality, and fairly deep to store bed linen/clohes all draws are on runners.”

I dread to think of the state of the stored bedlinen/clohes if the ‘staining’ from ‘usual wear’ and ‘daily use’ seeped through.

“Due to size you will need a van to collect item”

And an industrial incinerator capable of rendering safe a potential biohazard threat.

Still, at least they didn’t say they
“SPILT A VERY SMALL AMOUNT OF MY POP ON IT”.
Unless, in their own way, they did?
Is this is a third possible meaning for that phrase that no-one picked up on?

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HUMAN ERROR WATER/LIQUIDS

"SPILT A VERY SMALL AMOUNT OF MY POP ON IT"

July 20, 2011 – 12:43 pm

htc desire pop facial

Who on earth still uses the word “pop” to describe a beverage? If you ever do get this phone working again, it’ll be stuffed full of photographs of Dame Vera Lynn.

Unless if by “pop” the seller means the ashes of his cremated father, in which case we apologise for any offence caused at this difficult time.

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UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"GENUINE SEGA PRODUCT!!!"

July 20, 2011 – 10:45 am


Today’s submission comes courtesy of Captain Whoops, properietor of the #1 Sega-fans-in-denial support-group/website.
No, not UK:Resistance, NotUkResistance.
I meant in denial of the loss of UK:Resistance, not the loss of Sega’s ability to make decent games/hardware.
I mean, we’re all over that now, aren’t we?

Of course, it would have to be a piece of Sega hardware, wouldn’t it?
I guess some people look for things they actually might want on ebay, rather than the sorry excuse of an existence I’ve chosen for myself here?
Ah well. Looks like even if you’re looking for stuff you like, you can’t help tripping over tatty old cables.

“ON OFFER IS AN OFFICIAL SEGA MEGA DRIVE I RF AERIAL BLOCK MK-3088.”

“FAULTY FOR SPARES OR REPAIR ONLY!!!”

Ignoring the obvious “or for the bin” option, like a true Sega fan.

“GENUINE SEGA PRODUCT!!!”

Like that’s saved them in the past.

“FOR USE WITH ALL UK SEGA MEGA DRIVES MK I ONLY. WILL NOT WORK ON THE MEGA DRIVE MK. II”

Ok, fair enough.

“FAULTY. NON RESPONSIVE!!!”

So, will not work on Megadrive Mk. I either.
Will it not work with a Master system either?
How about a Saturn? Will it also not work with that?
Dreamcast? This list could just go on and on.
Oh no, wait; it can’t, can it?
Bloody Sega.

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