"These stains are from wear over the years"


Oh god, this is even worse than the last time we had a mattress on here.

“As you can see from the pictures this bed is in well used condition and has a lot ‘staining’ on the matress which gives the mattress a ‘dirty’ look.”

That’s ‘staining’ and ‘dirty’ with ‘fingerquotes’, obviously.
So, it’s not really stained or dirty, is it?

“I try to be as honest as i can when listing items. These stains are from wear over the years.”

Oh. I guess it is.

“There is NO BLOOD, OR URINE STAINS, just from usuall wear.”

Oh. ‘Usual wear’.
Those stains, then.
Never before has the reassurance of the lack of blood or urine been so disturbing.

“The divan its self is a litte ‘grubby’ from again daily use.”

There’s those little marks either side of the disturbing word in the sentence again.
Also, “daily use”? You mucky bugger.

“It also has alot of plucking from my cat who thought it was her strach post!”

That is definitely “plucking”, isn’t it?
Only I notice it’s not in quotes and just want to be sure.

“The drawers are all good quality, and fairly deep to store bed linen/clohes all draws are on runners.”

I dread to think of the state of the stored bedlinen/clohes if the ‘staining’ from ‘usual wear’ and ‘daily use’ seeped through.

“Due to size you will need a van to collect item”

And an industrial incinerator capable of rendering safe a potential biohazard threat.
Still, at least they didn’t say they
“SPILT A VERY SMALL AMOUNT OF MY POP ON IT”.
Unless, in their own way, they did?
Is this is a third possible meaning for that phrase that no-one picked up on?
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5 Comments

  • Morgan
    July 21, 2011 - 12:36 pm | Permalink

    “Disturbing” doesnt go far enough. Eurgghhh ! I feel itchy 🙁

  • Stagefrightinsteadofname
    July 21, 2011 - 8:10 pm | Permalink

    The japanese pay for used panties, right?
    Well I’ve got a whole mattress!

  • Eks
    July 22, 2011 - 8:38 am | Permalink

    “The drawers are all good quality, and fairly deep to store bed linen/clohes”
    So he *stored* bed linen/clohes but didn’t actually use any on the bed. Judging by the positioning of the staining I’d say he regularly slept in the fetal position – maybe the staining is from tears and crisps?

  • Hoopy
    July 22, 2011 - 9:43 am | Permalink

    Stage Fright; It ain’t just the Japs that pay for panties. Try searching for ‘private’ on eBay. Amazing what you find.

  • Stagefrightinsteadofname
    July 22, 2011 - 10:22 pm | Permalink

    Oh nice!
    I like the profile pic of this one: http://myworld.ebay.com/666sarah666/
    Not very subtle tho.

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