Monthly Archives: July 2011

DISTURBING NEGLECT/MISUSE WATER/LIQUIDS

"This ipod is water damaged"

“This ipod is water damaged. However it still works but the screen is very faint. My son dropped it in the bath.”

Quite possibly the most uselessly cack-handed suicide attempt ever.

“No accessories included.”

Not even a flannel?

“It is ipod touch not the new one 32GB”

And I dread to think what your son was touching it with, if he was using it in the bath.
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HUMAN ERROR NEGLECT/MISUSE PROBABLY FIXABLE WORKED UNTIL BROKE

"provides a fantastic picture when it's lit up"


Picture, if you will, a man staring at a screen.
He holds in his hand a remote control.
The screen is blank.
This is a man who has ventured deep into system menus, deeper than any man has ventured before.
Further than any man is meant to venture.
The television set now sits on the armchair, staring blankly at the man.
Who holds the control now?
(You might want to get some popcorn on.)

“This was my personal TV. It’s a 32 inch full HD 1080p screen.”

This man had a “personal TV”. Not a public one, or one he shared.
His own personal TV.
Impressive.

“It stopped working because I went into the service menu with the TV remote and changed a setting I shouldn’t have by accident. This knocked the picture off. Because of this I couldn’t get back into the menu to change the setting back as I could no longer see what was happening on screen as it didn’t light up even though everything was there, menus and all, working how they should be.”

The modern-day equivalent of a man stumbling around in a dark cellar, unable to find his way out once the candle he was holding went out.

“The actual panel and everything on the TV works perfectly, and it provides a fantastic picture when it’s lit up.”

That’s close enough to “Worked until broke” for me.

“I took it to Samsung to see if they could repair it and they said it needed a replacement mainboard.
They said they couldn’t change the setting back in the service menu because they couldn’t see what was happening on the screen and so it required a new mainboard.
They said they couldn’t hook it up to a laptop or any of their fancy equipment to change the setting in the service menu either because they “only have the jig to do something like that in Korea” and so they would have to charge me to replace the mainboard. Yeah, right, whatever.
The setting that I changed was the DIMM setting from either INT to EXT or vice versa, I don’t remember. Whichever, it knocked off the picture.”

Well, Eddie Izzard makes a change from the usual Michael Jackson popcorn gif, doesn't it?

Oi, stop hogging the popcorn.

“So basically here you have a TV that is fine hardware wise, it just either needs a setting changing back in the service menu somehow or the mainboard replacing (according to those technical experts at Samsung that let you kill your TV with the remote, and also tell you to move one of your TV’s into a different room because the remote for one of them is changing both of them, even though they’re DIFFERENT MODELS, and even though you need both TV’s side by side because they’re in a DUAL MONITOR SETUP).”

Do I detect a hint of bitterness there?
Exasperation?
Rage?

“I’m sure someone out there will be able to do something with this and get something from it.”

Oh, I know I have already.

“I haven’t bothered getting it repaired because I didn’t like the nonsense Samsung spieled off to me and so just bought a Sony Bravia instead. If Samsung wasn’t so poor with their service then I would actually have got it repaired and still be using it!”

Yeah! Don’t buy Samsung stuff they’re rubbish!
Buy Sony instead, they’re much better!
(Please buy my Samsung TV)
And interesting sales technique, I’ll grant him that.
We shall have to see if it’s a successful one
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HIJINKS NEGLECT/MISUSE

"some big scratches to the rear"

“The ONLY fault with this item is the home button does not respond”

Oh well, that’s not too bad I suppose.

“and is slightly depressed.”

Oh. That could be trickier to deal with.
Anyone know of psychiatrist that deals with apple hardware?
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HUMAN ERROR NEGLECT/MISUSE

"I…made matters worse"

“I tried to fix the broken screen by replacing it and made matters worse by cracking the lcd screen aswell.”

Oh, nice job. Why didn’t you try and do the battery or mainboard too, while you were at it?

“Once these two problems are rectified by someone who knows what they are doing it will work fine.”

Unless said person (who knows what they’re doing) knows that what they’re doing is “breaking it further”.

“You need to buy a new lcd and touch screen to get it up and running.”

And then try not to fit them with a hammer.
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Uncategorized

"THESE SHOES ARE A BARGIN"


Thanks to “deadmanjones” for this one! Maybe not technically broken, but not exactly 100% either.
More like 50/50 at best, really.

“THANK YOU FOR YOUR INTEREST IN THIS ITEM”

Hmmm. Interest.
Is that the right word?

“THESE SHOES ARE A BARGIN”

Shoes? Don’t you mean boots?
No wait, shoes.
No. Shoe. No, Boot.
I’m confused.

“THESE SHOES/BOOTS ARE NOT AN EXACT PAIR, ONE IS A CHUKKA BOOT”

Oh well that makes perfect sense now.

“BUT WHEN WORN WITH A PAIR OF JEANS YOU CAN’T REALLY TELL AS THEY ARE SO SIMILAR”

Or, even better, you could wear them with the matching shoe (or boot) instead.
Then you really can’t tell.

“BOTH ARE BRAND NEW BUT ARE UNABLE TO FIND THE OTHER SHOES”

Oh well, so much for that plan. Seemed like a good one too.
Maybe if you just wear them in the dark?
Or only when blind people are around.
Just don’t let them touch them.
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UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"REAR IN REASONABLE CONDITION IN COMPARISON WITH REST"

nice rear

*Carol Vorderman joke*

View auction.

UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"95% of the monitors have smashed/ cracked screens. We have 18 pallets in total"

broken monitors

Has there been an unusually severe earthquake in the vicinity of Poole?

View auction.

PROBABLY FIXABLE UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"THE SPRING FOR THIS HAS FALLEN OFF"


This submission courtesy of “Phorenzik” – Thanks Phorenzik!

“Hello, here’s another submission for you to ignore.”

Hmmm, quandary. Don’t recall other submissions so we’re going well with the ignoring so far, but I suspect Phorenzik doesn’t actually want it to be ignored.
Is using it going to rile him more?

“This one will be the last. I can be ignored at home by my missus for far less effort than this.”

OooooOOOooooh!

“I HAVENT HAD THIS MACHINE LONG, WHEN I BROUGHT IT IT HAD NO SOUND , NOT KNOWING MUCH ABOUT ELECTRICS I LOOKED INSIDE THE MACHINE AND SAW A FUSE WAS MISSING , I REPLACED THE FUSE AND HEY PRESTO I HAVE GAME MUSIC AND SOUND EFFECTS .”

I.e. “Item has been poked about inside by someone with little to no electrical knowledge”.
Tempting.

“NOW THE SOUND AGAIN HAS GONE A LITTLE SQIFFY AND WILL NEED TO BE LOOKED AT , IM SURE IT CANT BE MUSH ATALL .”

Sqiffy? Mush? Doesn’t sound promising.

“AS LIKE I SAID I HAVE HAD AND DO GET GAME SOUND AND MUSIC BEFORE AND NOW JUST ABIT SQUIFFY .”

Without wanting to end up in the Tower of London, wasn’t squiffy a certain royal’s nickname for someone?

“IT HAS ALSO FORCEBACK STEERING SO WHEN U HIT A RUMBLE STRIP OR CRASH THE STEERING WHEEL VIBRATES GIVING A MORE REALISTIC DRIVING EXPERIENCE”

Well that sounds fun.

“HOWEVER THE SPRING FOR THIS HAS FALLEN OFF , A EASY FIX , I HAVENT FIXED IT AS IT DOESNT AFFECT GAME PLAY .”

Sp much for the realistic driving experience then. Doesn’t affect gameplay apparently.
Still, Outrun’s not about having a realistic driving experience, is it?

“ITS ON WHEELS AND DOES MOVE AROUND FREELY , ALTHOUGH THEY ARENT INDUSTRIAL WHEELS SO I WOULDNT MOVE IT FAR WITH THEM .”

MOT fail.

“ID CHANGE THEM OUT 5 MIN JOB , I JUST AINT HAD THE TIME .”

Time for a “Seller cannot be arsed” category?

“YOU COULD RELIVE YOUR CHILDHOOD, MAYBE YOU HAVE A GARARAGE WITH ROOM FOR IT OUT OF THE WAY OF THE MISSES .”

Anyone here have a gararage?

“MAYBE YOU HAVE A GAMES ROOM FOR FAMILY NIGHT IN AND OUT THIS WOULD BE A IDEAL FUN MACHINE TO HAVE .”

As long as “the misses” isn’t part of the family night in?

“ITS A TRUE MUST HAVE CLASSIC GAME .”

Must have. That’s why they’re selling it.

“REMEMBER THIS MACHINE IS MADE IN THE 80’S SO LIKE US ALL HAS AGED .”

Speak for yourself, I’m still exactly the same 7-year old I was in the ’80s.
In my mind at least.

“IF THIS MACHINE WAS MINT IVE SEEN THEM IN THE PAST SELL FOR A OVER £1000 .”

But it’s not mint, is it? Mint ones don’t have sqiffy sound, a dodgy springs or cheap aftermarket wheels, do they?

“Bye,
phorenzik”

Bye Phorenzik! Come back soon!
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HUMAN ERROR NEGLECT/MISUSE UNKNOWN INCIDENT WORKED UNTIL BROKE

"My son decided to use his toy"

“Unfortunately my son decided to use his toy and hit the television and has cracked the top right hand corner.”

“My son decided to use his toy?” What toy was that?
A wii? A pencil?
A football?
A £2.99 plastic recorder?
Does he only have one toy? And does he still have that toy now?
Oh well, as long as it wasn’t an Audrey Hepburn box-set I suppose, that would be a bit odd.

“You can still the picture”

Insert the missing words yourself – Is it:

  1. “See”,
  2. “Ignore”, or
  3. “Weep at the state of”

“but thought I would sell it to someone that can have it fixed.”

Someone that can have it fixed for preference, but any gullible mug with too much money will do, to be honest.

“Apart from that great tv.”

Yes. A great TV, apart from the screen.
We’ve had that so many times I’m wondering if that should be a new category too.

“I have been quoted about 100 pounds to have it fixed.

About 100 pounds to have it fixed, which they’ve obviously decided is better put towards a new TV instead.
So why would anyone else want to buy this for a minimum of 100 pounds, plus the quoted ‘about 100 pounds’ on top of that to fix it?
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UNKNOWN INCIDENT WORKED UNTIL BROKE

"all tested and Working"

“Hi I have for auction Sony Ericsson W100i Spares all tested and Working they are as follows

  • *2 Circuit Boards
  • *1 LCD display (Screen)
  • *2 Sets of replacement number keys
  • *1 Front keys circuit board with ribbon”

Is that enough parts to make a whole phone?
Is that worth almost 10 pounds?
You can get a fully-assembled broken one for less than that.
Or even a supposedly working one.
Or you could spend even more on a water-damaged one.
Y’know, if you’re mental.

“ALL THESE ITEMS HAVE BEEN TESTED BEFORE BEING REMOVED FROM PHONES”

Tested before being removed.
Worked before being broken up.
That’ll be the “Worked until broke” category then.
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