Monthly Archives: June 2011

HUMAN ERROR

"Genuine Replacement Back Housing set for iPhone 2G 8GB"


Can’t believe I’ve not already covered this sales technique, used by chancers regularly. Must have been blotting it from my mind and subconsciously resisting, but I’m here now, so let’s get on with it…

“Replacement New Back Housing Set for iPhone 2G- Black 8GB”

Okay, technically not broken, but just as likely to be tat and preying almost as much on the numpties who buy a broken phone and then want it to look like new as those selling the broken phones in the first place.

“Brand new Genuine Back housing”

Note the use of the word “Genuine”. Not “Official”.
It’s a ‘genuine’ product in that it actually exists (probably) and isn’t a figment of someone’s deranged imagination. Not ‘genuine’ as in a part genuinely made by Apple.

“Made to fit 100%”

Made to fit 100% what?
Not sure that really counts as full statement, according to the normal accepted usage of the English language, does it?
Do they mean it will fit perfectly or it has been made 100% complete with no bits missing?
Or is it just a placatory statement that doesn’t really mean anything but is meant to sound good?
I think that may be the intention.

“Friendly Reminder :Special skill and techniques required for proper installation.”

Why do I get the feeling this ‘friendly reminder’ is delivered in the same ‘friendly’ tone as a loanshark might use when telling someone that they really don’t want to miss a payment?

“Note : We will not be held resposible for any damages to your mobile phone that may caused by installation of this accessory.”

Always a good sign when sellers want to wash their hands of all responsibility as soon as they have your cash by putting up a disclaimer.
Well, it would be a disclaimer, were you to try and hold them “resposible”.
For damages that may caused. Whatever that means.
Not sure what would happen if you tried to hold them responsible. Let alone accountable.

NOTE: item is the same as pic but in Silver.” 

So, the same as the picture but not the same as the picture then? Is this a riddle?
Is the poorly-pasted gsmfoneuk ‘watermark’ a clue?
(although I’m unsure if text typed in mspaint counts as watermarking)
Does the item come with that typed on it, like in the picture?
Or does it have the previous watermark/logo that they typed over?
Thinking about it, the fact they couldn’t even take a picture of the product themselves and had to steal someone else’s image and write on it makes me wonder if they actually, genuinely, have the product…
I’m probably being overly suspicious and critical.
After all, they’re only had 9 unhappy customers this month.
So far.
Ignoring the 6 neutral feedback comments they’ve been left.
Neutral means people aren’t unhappy, yes? They probably meant to leave positive feedback and were just confused because they were new to ebay, weren’t they?
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UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"LG 37LD450 37" LCD Television with faulty"

“LCD TV THE LCD HAS CRACKED INSIDE, THE TV TURNS ON AND HAD FULL AUDIO,REMOTE CONTROL WITH IT.”

You can tell they’re new to this selling lark, can’t you?
I mean, they’re including the remote for a start.
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UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"vintage action man spare parts or repair…….."

“I PURCHASED BOTH DOLLS RECENTLY BUT THEY WERE NOT WHAT I WANTED…..”

What on earth did he think he was buying, then?
A rare Andy Bell/Holly Johnson team-up?

“NO RETURNS – SO IF UNSURE PLEASE DO NOT BID.SORRY – NO OFFERS AM ALREADY SELLING THEM AT A LOSS!!!!!!!!!!”

£24 plus £5 p&p – and that’s selling at a loss, apparently.
So either he’s an idiot with more money than sense who got conned by someone before or he’s just saying that in order to try and drive up the perceived value.
And that’s what we’re here to try and counter isn’t it?
View Auction

PROBABLY FIXABLE UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"Action Man Vintage Eagle Eye Basic Figure *Broken Arm*"

Sexy Beast
Today’s update is courtesy of ‘Psybernoid’. Thanks Psybernoid!
(Thybernoid)

“You are looking at a fabulous example of a well stored and looked after Vintage Original 1970s Action Man Blond Haired Basic Figure.”

Aside from the broken arm.
Looks as if he has a look of resignation in his eyes ‘tch, it’s done it again….I’ll just pick it up’
Thanks for that, Psybernoid. Found the auction AND provided the text too.
That’s the kind of committment I like. Why can’t the rest of you lot be that productive, eh?
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HIJINKS

"Galaxy Empire Brown Darth Vader Star Wars Action Figure"

ChocoVader

“Fabulous chocolate brown coloured Darth Vader, still sealed onto “Galaxy Empire” Card, complete with Millennium Falcon graphics!”

No, no, NO! That’s NOT Darth Vader!
You’d better hope George Lucas’ lawyers don’t spot you calling him that – This is, quite obviously, Darth Cocoa.
He’s from an entirely different Galaxy™.

[cough]

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HIJINKS PROBABLY FIXABLE UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"Wheel chair Zimmer GB for spares or repair"


“THIS IS A WHEEL CHAIR FROM A LOFT CLEARANCE AND MAY BE OF USE FOR SPARES OR REPAIR TO SOME ONE?”
Not the choice of words there – Wheel chair.
Wheel. Chair.
Wheel. Chair.

“IT IS A ZIMMER GB MODEL EVERYTHING IS THERE BAR THE WHEELS”

So in fact, what you have here is, a ‘Chair’.

“ALL THE SEAT AND ARM RESTS ARE IN GOOD CONDITION, THE FOLDING FRAME NEEDS A WASH DOWN AND A POLISH BUT THE BRAKES WORK”

Oh well at least the brakes work, wouldn’t want it rolling away, now would we?
Oh wait, that’s not really very likely, is it?

“SORRY NO WHEELS, THEY WERE A BIT SHOT AS WERE THE TYRES SO A FRIENDS BOY HAD THEM FOR A GO CART!”

Thats, errr, generous? Or is it psychotic? I’m unsure.
Here, have some wheels I don’t think are safe enough for carefully wheeling a pensioner around with.
Maybe your son would like to attach them to a few planks and go hurtling down a hill with them?
Hmmm, what’s the word I’m looking for to describe that mentality?

“THE SPOKES WERE LOOSE ANYWAY – SORRY!”

I’m surprised the aforementioned ‘friends boy‘ doesn’t need this ‘wheelchair’ now
Although, maybe he does need a wheelchair, as opposed to this ‘justchair’.
With brakes, mind, let’s not forget the working brakes. Maybe it would’ve been nice if they’d given him those along with the wheels?
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HUMAN ERROR UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"JOBLOT OF 4 RARE SONY PS1 GAMES!"

“I AM SELLING A RARE JOB LOT OF 4 FOR SONY PS1 GAMES!”

Really? Go on then, what rare classics are you offering for the discerning collector?

MARTIAN GOTHIC UNIFICATION, TRUE PINBALL, WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE 2ND EDITION & SPICE GIRLS SPICE WORLD!”

Rare classics, one and all.

“THEY ARE ALL COMPLETE AND ALL COME WITH CASE, COVERS, INSTRUCTION MANUAL & GAME DISCS!”

Well, I suppose that’s a bit of a rarity

“PLEASE NOTE: THE CASES ARE CRACKED AND IN POOR CONDITION.”

That’s less rare though; Ps1 cases were pretty much second in fragility only to Dreamcast cases.
The contents of PS1 cases were of a poor condition to start with though.
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HIJINKS UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"Apple iPhone 4 (Latest Model) – 16GB – Black (FAULTY…"


Oh look, yet another iPod/iPhone. What’s so special about this one then?

“Iphone 4 here up for grabs.”

That’s it, make it seem like a competition. Get all the numpties excited.

“Its faulty. No Service – No Signal Wifi or GSM.”

Rapidly becoming one of the most popular faults, that one.
Wonder if it comes with a charger?

“New screen fitted.”

No signal but it’s had a new screen fitted?
Why would you do that?

“Works as an ipod perfectly and syncs with pc etc. Just doesnt do wireless or telephony.
Would make a loveley Ipod.”


In the same way a broken apple mac also makes a loveley (sic) aquarium?
Fortunately, someone called Tony has already wondered why they replaced the glass on a phone that doesn’t work as a phone and asked the seller this:

“Q: Can you tell me why the phone has had a new screen please? Regards Tony 22-Jun-11”

Well put, Tony. Nicely succinct. And their answer?

“A: The phone was found in our restaurant smashed. No one claimed it after a month so we bought a new screen on ebay and fitted it. All worked OK until we put a new sim in it – no signal or wireless. As previously stated – I’m selling as parts although works fine as an ipod touch. The Screen, Backglass, Camera,frame and battery are worth over £300.”

Well, that’d answer the thought about the charger anyway. Now, I’m not a lawyer, but is this legal? Shouldn’t it really have been handed in at the local police station and if no-one claimed it from them you could have it? That’s the way it’s supposed to be, isn’t it?

“As a telephone – its useless (assuming mainboard fault or some sort of block)”

Some sort of block? Like may occur if someone reported it lost or stolen, you mean? Hmmm.
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UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"Apple iPhone 3GS – 32GB – Black – Very cheap"

“Excellent condition”

“everything works”

Sounds good so far.

“but no signal (Won’t send or receive calls/ texts).”

Oh. So much for that then.

“Few cosmetic small scratches but nothing much.”

Going by how “Everything works” translates to “It doesn’t really work” I wonder what this translates to?

“Phone comes with a charger and USB lead.”

Bloody hell, that’s a first, isn’t it?

“Phone is sold as having no signal (faulty) but it could possibly be an easy repair.”

Or it might not. Don’t forget there’s always that possibility, too.

“For this reason there will be no returns accepted on this item.”

No calls or txts will be accepted on this item, either.

“Also the iPhone is jailbroken.”

Jailbroken and broken? Someone did a good job on that then.
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NEGLECT/MISUSE UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"Adidas Running Trainers White UK size 10"

“White”

Errr, are you sure about that?
I think I’m being generous suggesting “cream”.

“Used but not damaged. Need some TLC but still have some wear in them.”

And no doubt still have dried sweat, bacteria and second-hand athletes foot in them too. Lovely.

“Will only ship to the UK.”

As people in other countries, even third-world ones, have standards?
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