Monthly Archives: May 2011

PROBABLY FIXABLE

"SATELLIE DISH"

“Any questions please ask…………….”

Satellie Dish? Wossat ‘en?
I’saTellieDish, innit? For wotchin’ yuh tellie on. Duh!

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NEGLECT/MISUSE UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"Tommtomm one n14644 sat nav"

Turn left at blue crack

“the unit powers on ok but the screen is not working”
“it looks like it cracked but it is not, it just the pixels, so it shows a white screen”

Well, that’s useful then.
A cheaper option would be to buy an old A-Z and pour tippex over all the pages.

“it must be new i assume as it still has the screen protector on it”

And a lot of good that did.

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HIJINKS HUMAN ERROR UNCATEGORISED

"Alexander McQueen sample Jacket Sold as seen"

The weekend is almost upon us. Maybe you’re going out for a few drinks tonight or tomorrow.
Or maybe tonight AND tomorrow.
Perhaps you’re a cosmopolitan socialite, a social butterfly flitting from function to function, rather than just sitting in the dirt with a large bottle of scrumpy, shouting at passing cars, like we do here at BitBroken towers.

Funtime

Funtime

In which case, you probably need something new and fabulous to wear, yes?
This is probably right up your street.
(Or “Ceci n’est pas sans doute raison de votre rue” as they probably say in art college or middle-band GCSE French lessons.)

Ladles and jellyspoons, may I present to you, the

“Alexander McQueen Studio sample prototype”

Ooooh! Fancy!

“Blazer style coat unlined, unlabeled, and sleeves to be attached”

Well, that sounds…different. After all, attached sleeves are so last season, dahling.

“It’s cashmere or a mix”

Or a mix? A mix of what?
Polyester/Viscose?
Bri-nylon?
Weed-proof membrane and Tramp’s gussets?

“Classic McQueen though unlabelled”

A more cynical person may say “Prove it!”, but you just have to look at the quality of unfinished workmanship to…oh, hold on.

“Sold as seen no returns”

That’s a bit tricky really, isn’t it?

“BUY IT NOW OR REGRET LATER”

Y’know, I think you’ve accidentally used the word “or” when you meant to use the word “and”.
Mandon.

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FIRE HUMAN ERROR NEGLECT/MISUSE

"GHD SPARES REPAIR BROKEN STRAIGHTENERS STRAIGHTNERS"

Can you smell burning

“I purchased these to fix but was unsuccessful.”

Well, that’s a promising start.

“So I am getting rid of them whilst clearing out my garage to make some space and generate some funds for planning an upcoming holiday.”

What a top-hole idea! I think, instead of spending nigh-on £200 on someone else’s rubbish, I too will put that money aside for a holiday or a similar treat!

“Some have broken parts or just simply not working.”

‘Simply’ not working. As in, broken; but in such a way that you cannot tell how, let alone fix.

“I imagine they can be repaired by some competent person or cannibalised for spares.”

And here comes the flattery. Seller admits they’re an idiot, but avoids accusing potential marks of the same by inferring they’re much smarter than the seller and they’ll easily make their money back.
Meanwhile, said seller will be sunning themselves on the beach (If they’ve resisted the urge to buy further get-poor-quick broken tat). Let’s also not forget that they’re likely to be in worse condition now than when they first bought them, having been tinkered about with by a person who has effectively admitted they are incompetent and wants your money in order to leave the country.

“I will also include spare end caps and original GHD plugs if I can find them.”
I.e. if they can be bothered.
May as well try and sell them as the ideal joke gift for a bald man.
(or for a man who’d like to be bald. Possibly with third degree scalp burns thrown in for good measure)

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NEGLECT/MISUSE PROBABLY FIXABLE UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"nintendo wii console"

“hinge is cracked where the controller pannel is does not affect the game play”

You mean it’s still crap then, huh?
Someone ought to tell the seller they’re not supposed to waggle the camera round like the wii controller when they want to take a photo.

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NEGLECT/MISUSE PROBABLY FIXABLE

"BBC DALEK"

“fOR SALE BBC DALEK iVE PUT THE BATTERYS IN AND IT DOES NOT WORK.”

Well, like all old weaponry sold on ebay, it has to be deactivated, doesn’t it?

“ALL THE THREE PLUNGER AND LASER ARE MISSING.”

Missed a trick there, surely that would’ve been the ideal opportunity to bark

“ITS!  VISION!  IS!  IMPAIRED!”?

Also, it’s now unable to help out with a blocked sink.*

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*Obligatory dalek/plunger joke, required by law. It’s either that, asking where the matching salt cellar is or the ill-informed one about their supposed inability to climb stairs.
NEGLECT/MISUSE UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"NOKIA 5800 faulty"

“I’m selling this Nokia 5800, the phone is from an auction.”

And is back on one again. Some poor items never leave ebay, do they?
Not even to go in the bin.

“It’s working, but the LCD is broken as you can see on the picture.”

Well, it’s not working then, is it?

“The phone is coming without battery!”

Naturally. I’m assuming there’s no charger either as one hasn’t been mentioned.

“The back cover is included.”

Oh that’s very generous of you.

“It is not water damaged, but there can be other small faults that I am not aware of.

So, may not be working then? Still, at least it’s not wet, eh?

So that’s 2 people currently bidding on a phone with a broken screen, no battery, no charger and possibly a multitude of other faults but you can’t tell how many as it’s too broken?
Got to be the bargain of the year this one.

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PROBABLY FIXABLE SIGNIFICANT DISCOUNT TO ORIGINAL RRP UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"Bosch Maxx WFL 2450 Washing Machine For Sale"

Y’know, I’m not even sure if this is broken or not.
Have a read of the description and see what you think.
I think it may have a hidden past.

“This item comes with free 3month warranty from me the seller, to either replace or repair.”

Ok, that sounds promising.

“If you want you can buy plus extra 3months warranty for £25.”

You can buy plus extra” sounds less promising.

“To Deliver it’s possible.”

Who’s selling this? Yoda?

“The door is very large and opens 180 degrees to allow ease of loading and unloading washing. (not so good for little boys who like to swing on it though!)”

Hmmmm. Now why would you say such a thing?

“The drum is 30% bigger than your run of the mill washing machine and can carry a whopping 4kg of washing – brilliant if you have a family to wash for.”

How heavy are little boys that like to swing on things?
Little boy swings on door, accidentally falls into the machine, door slams shut and program automatically starts.
It could happen to anyone.

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HUMAN ERROR NEGLECT/MISUSE PROBABLY FIXABLE

"Iphone4 16GB Black"

“Comes with all box and instructions also comes with charger USB lead and a duel in car charger and earphones.”

Duel in car? That sounds a bit dangerous.

“Abu questions get in touch”

Who is Abu Questions and why does the seller want them to contact them?

“I ended this last night as the screen cracked but have been to the apple store and are getting a brand new one tomorrow so the phone will actually be brand new i am selling.”

A brand new phone or a brand new screen?
So the photos above aren’t of the phone for sale?

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HUMAN ERROR NEGLECT/MISUSE

Groundbreaking Real-World Update!

Spotted this lunchtime whilst idly wasting lunchtime at the local Gamestation store.
Five pounds for an optical cable? Hmmm, ok I suppose.
Ok-ish.
Five pounds for a second-hand (sorry, “Pre-Owned”) optical cable? Less tempting.
Five pounds for an optical cable that’s been folded up as tightly as this? I think not, somehow.

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God help us, the madness has spread to the real world and ‘proper’ shops.