Monthly Archives: April 2011

FIRE

"A NOVELTY TOILET GAS CIGARETTE LIGHTER IN WORKING ORDER"

“THE LIGHTER IS IN PERFECT WORKING ORDER AND CONDITION.”

Ok, not broken technically, but aesthetically?

“A NOVELTY CIGARETTE LIGHTER IN THE FORM OF A TOILET.
THE LIGHTER MEASURES APPROX 60MM LONG X35MM WIDE X 50MM HIGH & IS CONSTRUCTED IN METAL.
TO USE THE LIGHTER YOU MUST LIFT THE LID AND PRESS THE BUTTON RIGHT FRONT.”

No longer required after Morph had that nasty accident.
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SIGNIFICANT DISCOUNT TO ORIGINAL RRP UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"Fujifilm Finepix XP10 12MP Digital Camera Silver FAULTY"

“We have powered up this unit and can confirm that it is faulty.”

Ok, so what’s wrong with it?

“The unit does not power up at all and no further testing was possible”

Oh. But you just said…Oh nevermind.

“The XP10 is equally as happy swooshing down the slopes and snorkelling in the sea, as it is going for a night out on the town. “

Has someone been on the liqueur chocolates for breakfast again?
How does it feel about being thrown across a room into a bin?
Is it equally happy with that?

“Plus, you do happen to be a bit accident prone then this is a great choice. Shockproof (1m), Waterproof (3m), Freezeproof (-10°) and Dustproof, the XP10 is built for adventure.”

Makes you wonder what kind of treatment this example received for it to be in the state it’s in, really.
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PROBABLY FIXABLE Uncategorized

"MIXTURE OF KITCHEN UTENSILS AND CUTLERY"

“THIS IS A LOT OF KITCHEN UTENSILS AND CUTLERY THAT ARE IN A WELL USED CONDITION NONE HAS BEEN TESTED AND ARE BEING SOLD AS SEEN”

None ‘has’ been tested? How bizarre.
Still, how do you go about testing a spatula?
Or a toffee hammer, for that matter.

“NOW FOR THE BORING BIT”

No, that’s alright, thanks.
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Uncategorized WATER/LIQUIDS

"MUSICAL SINGING POTTY"


Another one for scat-obsessed ‘matt

“HAS BEEN USED, BUT IN GOOD CONDITION, THERE IS A LITTLE WEAR ON THE FLUSH HANDLE (See pic) BUT GOOD CONDITION.”


Y’know, I’m not sure I can go if you’re going to stare at me like that.

And the same goes for you, too. Stop it before I rub your face in it.

“HAVE CLEANED WITH DISINFECTANT, ALTHOUGH WASN’T USED MUCH.”

Didn’t use much disinfectant? Might as well say you just spat on it and gave it a rub with a hankie.

“THE PIC SHOWING THE RED LIGHT IS THE SENSOR WHEN THE POTTY IS TURNED ON, SO IT KNOWS WHEN YOUR CHILD HAS BEEN TO THE TOILET.”

If the stench isn’t enough of a warning.

“The child will hear a response or encouragement when the seat lid is opened and closed, the flusher is pulled, the toilet paper roll is spun, when the child sits, and most importantly when the child makes a “contribution”.”

“Mmmmm, I really value your contribution
Still, probably good training for your child to prepare them for working in a corporate environment?

“MY ITEMS ARE FROM A SMOKE FREE HOME.
AND NOW SADLY PET FREE.”

Has someone been flushing the goldfish down the toilet again?
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UNKNOWN INCIDENT WATER/LIQUIDS WORKED UNTIL BROKE

"12v Osculatti Sea Toilet"


Special request for ‘matt
I think it’s probably safe to assume this has had a dump taken on it, as apparently:

“was working now isn’t!”

“Could be an absolute bargain if its a simple problem with the pump or could be used for parts if its a more expensive fix.”

Or could just be thrown away if it’s neither a simple problem nor an expensive fix.

“I’ve gone to a manual pump out toilet.”

I suppose it’s that or hanging your arse over the side of the boat, which I suspect is probably frowned upon when in dock, or if your boat’s a canal barge.
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HUMAN ERROR NEGLECT/MISUSE UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"iphone 16gb 3g faulty"

“This is an Apple Iphone 16gb 3g phone for spares or repair.”

As they generally are.

“It is in a very sorry state, it was found on a bus in a bag in bits.”

Found on a bus, in a bag, in bits?
Who are you, Dr Seuss?
What next? Something discovered on a pouch on a plane in pieces?
A thingamabob, torn in two, turning up on a train?

“You are buying a faulty phone with unknown problems”

If they didn’t report their find to the bus company or the police then one of the problems could potentially be legal ownership?

“so bid accordingly.”

Like, maybe, not doing so.
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HUMAN ERROR WATER/LIQUIDS

"Blackberry Curve 8520"

“Blackberry curve for sale so cheap due to trackpad keeps freezing then working”

“i dont have time to send it for repair”

It’s just busy busy busy for ebay tat-sellers, isn’t it? It’s a non-stop life.
Still, has enough time to take photos of it and set up an ebay listing for it so can’t be too busy…

“other than that the phone works the phone condition is a bit rough thats y i am selling it very very cheap.”

Is £40 plus postage very very cheap?

“On 25-Apr-11 at 20:29:42 BST, seller added the following information:
The phone could be water damaged”

Could be? Is that an option? Does that cost extra?

“and also the cosmetic condition isnt good i havent got time to replace the housing.”

“NO RETURNS ACCEPTED I HAVENT GOT TIME FOR THAT SORRY!”

No time! No time! No time!
Hopefully he’ll have the time to send it to the ‘winning’ bidder.
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NEGLECT/MISUSE UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"Vintage DINKY TOYS De Tomaso Mangusta 187"

“Sold for spares or restoration.”

Not sure how many spares you’re going to get from it and probably going to take quite a bit to make roadworthy.
Ideal restoration project if you’re short of space, though.
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SIGNIFICANT DISCOUNT TO ORIGINAL RRP UNKNOWN INCIDENT

"Sony KDL-26S2010 26" HD Ready LCD TV Faulty NR"

“This TV is a faulty customer return item.”

The TV is faulty or the customer is?

“This item is in fair cosmetic condition.”

“There is significant cosmetic damage to the item.”

Oh make up your mind, will you?

“Original RRP – £500”

Current price – £4.99 plus p&p

“Why not take a look at the other items we have for auction in our eBay store”

Alternatively, why not have a rummage round your local tip?
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NEGLECT/MISUSE

"Sony PSP-3003 Slim Lite VibrantBlue Playstation Faulty"

“Screen cracked as per picture.
Lovely condition otherwise.”

Like Angelina Jolie with a broken nose.
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