A Bit Broken

Well, it is if you’re Daily Mail writer Charlotte Metcalfe, anyway.

Again, a bit of a break from the usual eBay lunacy I’m afraid. If I keep looking at the chancers on there trying to sell broken rubbish to desperate idiots I fear for (what’s left of) my sanity.

“Damaged”, apparently. £2,495.00 Give me strength.

Unfortunately, madness seems to be prevalent wherever you look. I suppose if you read Daily Mail articles you should expect it anyway, but when there’s lunacy like this around I can’t not share it, can I?

In short, the poor dear wrote earlier this year about how times were getting tough and she couldn’t afford to live as she and her friends once had.
You know, the sort of thing of thing we all take for granted;

“a country house alongside the two we owned between us in London.”

“top-of-the-range Audi as well as a Range Rover”

“two children at private school, a full-time nanny and regular holidays.”

“Farrow & Ball paint and butler sinks.”

“moved to the Cotswolds and I even bought another cottage as an ‘investment’”

Unfortunately, where she previously earned £1,200 a week, she is now (apparently) “Nouveau Pauvre”:

“For many articles I write, I earn no more than £250 and often struggle to make £500 a week”

Which means she can no longer afford to spend

“leisurely afternoons in Harrods ­buying a pretty embroidered cushion, some bath oil and a toy or two here, some smoked salmon and a box of chocolates there”

Yes, I know, gets you right here, doesn’t it?

“to some struggling to pay even basic household bills, this may all sound like another self-pitying whinge from someone who once had it all.”

Yes. Yes, it does, rather. How astute of you.

“But I guess the point is that still — despite the recession — many of us feel under more pressure than ever before to create a perfect Christmas.”

Oh that’s so deep. People want to be happy at Christmas even if they have no money? I don’t think anyone had thought of that point before, had they? Christmas often makes people feel unhappy and desperate rather than full of festive joy? Maybe she could call the Samaritans to let them know this, they might want to get some extra staff to cover the phones when more people suddenly realise they can’t afford £50 for

“ribbons from VV Rouleaux”

to wrap their gifts in?

Since the article kicked off an absolute shitstorm in the comments section (deliberately?) and then on Twitter, she’s (alledgedly) opened a Twitter account in order to

“respond to the false allegations and shocking insensitivity shown to my family“

Which she seems to have done by continuing in exactly the same vein as her Daily Mail articles, only with added shock and surpise that her opinions would be viewed by the majority of the public as anything other than a warning to others but instead as shallow, materialistic and attention-seeking.

It’s still uncertain at this time whether the twitter account is actually her or just someone (expertly) trolling. If it’s a joke account you’ve got to hand it to them, they seem to have nailed the ‘oh woe is me, I’m suddenly a pauper and now people are being nasty to me’ bit down-pat. It’s particularly fun to see her thanking people for nice comments when it’s obvious they were being sarcastic. Look out for her article next week no doubt bemoaning how horrid and cruel people on the internet are.
See also: Water=wet Fire=hot People=shit

Anyway, I spent half an hour yesterday queuing in Peacocks in order to secure a 40% discount off a pair of pyjamas for a Christmas gift, I’ve got a burst water pipe and my kitchen sink’s blocked. I’ve got 3 kids to buy for; plus wife, god-daughters, nieces, etc and I couldn’t afford to buy an iPad even if I wanted one.
Therefore; Christmas is ruined, would someone like to pay me £250-£500 for this ‘article’ please?
No? Thought not.
Bah,
.