Monthly Archives: November 2010

UNKNOWN INCIDENT

“needs a new graphics card and keyboard has windows seven but not genuine”

Whuh? Not genuine? erm…

“The laptop boots up although screen is left blank !!!”

So, screen/gpu is duff then? Okay, but what about this ‘not genuine’ operating system?

“Keyboard is missing three keys although this is irrelevant as it needs a new keyboard !”

Well, yes, if you’re missing keys you probably do need to replace the keyboard.
And the operating system?

“Operating system is originally vista although windows 7 ultimate is running on it ( Not Genuine Windows 7)”

What do you mean, “Not Genuine Windows 7”?
Have you just got a desktop wallpaper that says ‘Windows 7’ on it or are we talking a hooky copy?
Wonder if Microsoft’s lawyers are reading this?

“although it didn’t seem to cause me any problems as it was saying it was genuine and doesn’t come up saying its not genuine.”

So, you know it’s not geniune but the operating system itself doesn’t? Hmmm… /strokes chin
Not caused you any problems yet, I think you meant to say.

“As I also cant see anything because of the screen i cant take my information off the laptop eg pictures & music so it will be up to you to delete unwanted programs ect 🙂 x”

Free music, ‘pictures’ (cough) and personal information? Why, it sounds like a bargain now.
Mind you, are they genuine? Who knows.

“THERE MAY BE OTHER PROBLEMS THAT HAVEN’T BEEN SPOTTED BUT I DO NOT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY ALTHOUGH I DON’T THINK THERE IS !”

Other problems that haven’t been spotted? Oh, I like the way that’s worded, that just fills me full of confidence.
What sort of problems d’you think we might encounter?

  • You’ve got Photoshop CS5 installed but it’s ok because it thinks it’s a shareware copy of Paint Shop Pro3?
  • There’s no power supply included but that’s irrelevant because you need to get a new power supply?
  • There’s a great big Skull & Crossbones, painted Jolly Roger-style, on the back of the laptop’s lid?
  • Seems to be the day for it today…All togevva now! “Gawd bless Hooky street…
    View Auction

    HUMAN ERROR UNKNOWN INCIDENT

    "42' philips lcd tv"

    Plonkers!
    Now, if I was selling dodgy damaged goods I think I’d want to steer clear of making people think of Delboy and Rodney Trotter but there we go…
    Has Trotters Independant Trading branched out from New York, Paris and Peckham to include Oldham, Greater Manchester?

    “this 42′ tv all works fine but the front glass is smashed. we have taven as much as we can off. it only needs scraping off. “

    Is the glass included (in a bag) or is that extra?
    How did it get smashed, anyway?
    Did it fall through a bar?
    Or did someone drop a chandelier on it?

    “pick up only but can deliver local for fuel”

    Will it fit in the back of a Reliant Robin?

    “please collect within 24 hrs and cash only pls”

    All together now! No income tax, no VAT, No money back, no guarantee…
    View Auction

    UNKNOWN INCIDENT

    "5 x untested laptop Drives 1 Day Sale"

    Fancy a drive?
    Roll up! Roll up! It’s “Lucky Dip” time!

    “5 UNTESTED laptop drives”

  • “WD scorpion 60gb
  • Travelstar 20gb
  • Fujitsu 60gb
  • Fujitsu 40gb
  • Travelstar 40gb”
  • What do you think? Which one’s got the porn on it and which one has the online banking details? D’you think the seller’s a 60gb of porn man or gets by on 20gb? Or do they all just click loudly and refuse to be detected when plugged in?
    Don’t ask the seller –

    “No idea- these have been kicking around for ages! Sold for spares or repair only!!!”

    So, who fancies a go?
    View Auction

    Uncategorized

    "job lot 50 HIFI TV VCR DVD REMOTE CONTROLS"

    Not REMOTELY interested in buying.

    “the picture is a genuine average sample of remotes, but for obvious reasons will not be the same batch you will get”

    Obviously.

    “all we suggest is buy one lot from us, these are great for car boots etc”

    Great for the bin, you mean?

    “many of these remotes retail at more than we are asking for the whole lot! ”
    “great items for car boot sales, many of these are well over £20 each RRP,”

    If they’re so profitable, why don’t you sell them like that yourself?

    “some of them will be totally unobtainable!”

    No. I think the word you’re looking for there is “unwanted“, not “unobtainable”.
    View Auction

    Uncategorized

    "A VERY OLD SINGLE MATTRESS IN ATTRACTIVE STRIPES -RARE?"

    Well, I can't SEE any stains, but still...
    Do you enjoy gambling? Like a little flutter on the horses/dogs/budgies?
    This has got to be the next big gambling sensation, surely? Have you ever considered buying a particularly old second-hand mattress before? Why not take a punt and if you’re unsure, you could always try to convince yourself that you’re an antiques dealer rather than someone who buys second-hand bedding.

    “A RARE FIND! I WOULDN’T THINK TOO MANY MATTRESSES OF THIS AGE AND IN THIS CONDITION ARE AROUND TODAY. THE BED IT CAME OFF WAS EDWARDIAN AND I RECKON THIS IS OF THE SAME VINTAGE.”

    I have clothes from the turn of the century. Doesn’t mean I’m from the turn of the century, does it?

    “I ALSO HAVE A SIMILAR ONE IN BLUE STRIPES WHICH WILL BE LISTED SEPARATELY”

    They’re so rare you have two then, huh?

    View Auction

    Uncategorized

    "Apple IMAC G4 800MHz 256MB PC computer 15" M6498 FAULTY"

    In exclusive 'smoke' colour!

    “These goods are being auctioned on a ‘sold as seen’ basis.”

    So, that’d be ‘Grubby’ then, I guess?

    “if your looking for customer service then please go to the high street, we are not for you.”

    And I suspect the same goes for if you’re looking for anything that works and doesn’t look like it’s been dipped in tea/coffee/tar?
    View Auction

    HUMAN ERROR UNKNOWN INCIDENT

    “We are very short on space.”

    Well, if you will keep on buy this tat and trying to sell it on, what do you expect?

    “all are untested but normally come with a fault of some kind”

    {resisting urge to insert standard “Sony badge” joke}

    “but we frankly do not have the time to fix them and it is much easier for us to sell them to you.”

    Just because something’s easier to do doesn’t mean you should do it – It’s easier to not bother wiping and just pull your pants/trousers up after you’ve had a big poo, but doesn’t mean you should, does it? In fact, it’s probably easier to not bother going all the way to the loo, might as well just do it in your trousers in the first place, yes?
    Surely the easiest thing to do would be to not buy this junk in the first place?
    View Auction

    UNKNOWN INCIDENT

    "Apple iPhone 3G Black (16GB) Mobile Phone No Signal"

    “iPhone redefines what you can do on a mobile phone.

  • Tap a number to make a call.
  • Listen to voicemail in any order with Visual Voicemail.”
  • Drop it in the bin because it’s broken.
  • “This phone is in Perfect condition”

    Ok.

    “everything works perfectly”

    Yes, you said that.

    “but for some reason wont make or receive calls.”

    But obviously you didn’t really mean it.
    View Auction

    Uncategorized UNKNOWN INCIDENT

    Screen is broken(see picture),missing parts: hinges, hinge covers, dvd drive, charger,couple keys from keyboard, hard drive and caddy/cover.

    Probably ideal if you’ve lost the use of your left eye, however.
    Maybe you have an eyepatch.
    Or maybe you don’t but would like to experience a small taste of what it would be like if you did?
    View Auction

    UNKNOWN INCIDENT

    "5 FAULTY PHONES"

    “NOKIA 5800 GREAT FULL TOUCH SCREEN PHONE ITS IN GOOD USED CONDITION BUT WILL HAVE SOME WEAR”

    Ok, sounds fair, could be interested…#

    “TURNS ON BUT IS SOLD FAULTY FOR SPARES OR REPAIR ONLY AS THE SCREEN IS DAMAGED”

    Ah. Well, maybe it’s not too bad, I suppose that could possibly pass as ‘some wear’.

    “AND THE TOUCH SCREEN DONT WORK SO UNTESTED FURTHER”

    Oh.

    “AND THE PLASTIC LOCK SIDE BOTTON IS MISSING”

    Hmmmm.

    “LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE HAS HAD THE FRONT OFF AND HAS LOST IT,, “

    Right.

    “THIS IS THE RED VERSION AND HAS NO PEN FOR TOUCH SCREEN,”

    Yes, yes, ok. {walking away}

    “THERE ARE ALSO 2 NOKIA 6500 SLIDE PHONES “

    Oh, ok, sounds a bit more promising now, what are they like?

    “BOTH HAVE FAULTY KEYPADS AS SOME OF THE BUTTONS DONT WORK WHEN PRESSED “

    Hmmm. Do any of the buttons work when NOT pressed?

    “BOTH IN CHROME AND GOOD CONDITION, “

    Oh, but they’re in good condition? Ok, we….

    “ONE NOKIA 6500 CLASSIC TURNS ON DAMAGED SCREEN PARTS OF HOUSING MISSING. “

    “K850I TURNS ON AND VIBRATES AND KEYPAD LIGHTS UP (THESE ARE NOT IN THE PICURE)”

    This has to be one of the least accurately used instances of the phrase ‘good condition’.
    I’m out.
    View Auction